Archive for the 'kentucky' Category

Sunday Stealing: I Peed My Pants

Published on May 20, 2012 in Baby Boomer, Blogging, Cars, Childhood, Costa Rica, Empty Nesters, Family, Holy Shit! Lookit This!, kentucky, Random, Sunday Stealing, Technology and Writing. 0 Comments Tags: .


Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part One

1. Have you ever peed your pants as an adult?
Full throttle empty my bladder peeing? No. Leakage? Yes. Carbonated drinks really do me in. One time I was trying to making it home from a day of kayaking and just. couldn’t. hold. it. I leaked. But I totally relieved myself in the yard. It’s good to be the guy. BTW: in Costa Rica, it is very common to see cab drivers and truckers peeing alongside the road. Very.
2. Who do you have a celebrity crush on now? I share a crush with St. Todd deCubbville on Sofia Vergara. Just looked at her website and I’ll probably be spending more time there. I also like Kim Spradlin the winner of Survivor: One World.
3. Would you date someone you met online?
No looking, but I know at least two couples my age that met online. So, yeah.
4. Do you wear underwear always?
No. You don’t want to know more, right?
5. Do you hate yourself at times?
No.
7. Do you like dirty movies?
Well, “dirty”? Raunchy, racy yes.
8. Could you believe Josha Ledet was voted off Idol?
Who? We didn’t watch one episode for the last two seasons.
9. When was the last time that you bought a car?
That would be the Dodge Magnum Station Wagon Kayak Hauler
10. Have you ever been camping?
Yes, a lot when I was a kid. We guys from the neighborhood would load up a small hay trailer and hook it to the back of the John Deere and off we would go to a local river, forest or lake.
My parents like to camp too, so we took a lot of camping vacations. As an adult, I took a hiatus because Nanc’ also camped as a kid and hated it. My last camp-out was an overnighter on the Barren River whilst kayaking.
11. How many times a day do you go on facebook?
Three.
12. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
I Don’t Know, starring Can’t Remember and I Forget. It’s been at least two years.
13. Have you ever worried that you’d cut off a limb?
Many times. Assuming you meant a body part. I draw blood a lot when hacking the greenery.
14. Where did you get your last email from?
 65.111.175.195
15. Favorite website?
16. Are you down with ghetto?
I don’t know what that means
17. Will the world end in fire or ice?
Icy Hot
18. Do you believe in the afterlife?
No.
19. Would you be upset if facebook stopped working?
No. It would be a good thing for all of humanity.
20. How did you start your blog?
How or why? How? I use WordPress, Bluehost.com and GoDaddy.com

I Done My Stoopid Taxes, Including Kentucky Cuz I Was Part Year Resident

Published on March 29, 2012 in Baby Boomer, Holy Shit! Lookit This! and kentucky. 2 Comments


Since I left Kentucky on July 1, 2011, I wasn’t sure if I was a full year or part year resident. So I sent an email to the Kentucky Department of Revenuers.

Teresa send me a reply saying that I would be considered a part year resident and they want taxes on money I earned…

while you was a KY resident.

Some of that money needs to go toward edjamacation for them there Kentucky chilren.

U.S. Internet Connectivity is Pathetic

Published on July 23, 2009 in Entertainment, kentucky, Money, Politics, Research and Technology. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

speed

I just ran a speed test on how well I am connected to the internet.

Better than my cousin-sister in Hazard, KY, and better than my daddy-uncle in Pikeville, KY, but 1/2 the speed of my friend Elin Woods, in Sweden, and 1/12 the speed of my long-lost friend Danny Choo in Japan.

Right now the government is deciding the future of the Internet in the United States.

The Federal Communications Commission is crafting our national high speed internet strategy, which will determine how fast the Internet is and who has access to high speed connections.

Help shape this policy in just two minutes.

Take this Speed Test, and help  update data and help make universal broadband a reality.

Take the Speed Test now:

http://www.speedmatters.org/speedtest2009

Then fill in the form to send a letter to your feral (no typo – little or no contact with real people) representatives. I personalized my letter because Speedmatters.org was just too nice in their letter.

The United States ranks just 15th among industrialized nations in broadband access — and this is costing our economy billions of dollars every year.

Every day, American businesses are missing out on opportunities to sell their goods and services in the global marketplace. Every day, the American people are missing out on important health and educational benefits. And every day, the American economy is missing out on good jobs created by high speed internet access.

That’s because the U.S. has historically invested relatively less on telecommunications than most other major countries. Consumers are charged more for slower speeds, and our current high-speed networks don’t even reach millions of American households.

Like Bubba-Louise, my cousin-sister in Hazard can’t even watch Keyboard Cat, because it won’t download.
H/she needs to see this stuff:

Get Weird and Win!

Published on March 25, 2009 in Advertising, Baby Boomer, Birthdays, Blogging, Cars, Childhood, Dogs, Education, Empty Nesters, Entertainment, Family, Food, Health, Holy Shit! Lookit This!, Ireland, kentucky, M & Ms, Money, Politics, Random, Research, Shopping, Technology and Writing. 19 Comments Tags: , , , .

commentgame
The Junk Drawer Blog is goofing off somewhere this week, but she left an assignment for her commenters. She stole a comment game from Comedy Plus.

The Junk Drawer Blog is fun, but whoooo boy, her commenters are just so vanilla, so white bread, so unimaginative.

Here’s how SHE explained the Comment Game.

It’s very simple. I start the game off by listing two words or phrases, like waffles or pancakes, and you pick the one you like better. You can explain why if you like.

She started with Twitter or Facebook. Nice start, but OMG, her commenters responded with choices like:

  • Mac or PC
  • Coffee or Tea
  • Boxers or Briefs
  • Peanut Butter or Jelly

I. am. NOT. kidding. And it goes on for over 100 comments.

I played too, here were my choice:

  • Po or Laa Laa – which the next person said they didn’t have a clue about. Dur, Hello Google? So I came back with…
  • Clarabelle or Crusty – which the next poster didn’t know, but chose Clarabelle because it was a nice name! OMG, puh-leeze! My final entry, before I decided to hijack this idea was…
  • Simon Cowell or Simon & Shuster. The next commenter chose Simon Cowell because she hadn’t heard of “the other one.”

LISTEN UP. Here’s the deal. I am taking over this idea.

There is a big prize involved.

A wonderful Marilyn Monroe shirt from the wonderful people at TeesForAll.com. I wanted a gift certificate from TeaseForMe.com, but haven’t heard back. TeesforAll.com is not doing this because they like me, they want to sell you some Tee shirts. Surprise. Surprise. Surprise. They have a really cool Stones shirt, and some other Boomer targeted stuff.

WIN THIS SHIRT

WIN THIS SHIRT

No, it doesn’t have to be the Marilyn Monroe baby-doll with pink stripes, unless you want it. And then I want a picture of you in it.

HERE’S HOW WE’RE GONNA PLAY:

It’s kind of like the The Junk Drawer Blog contest, BUT, the combinations need to be weird, arcane, tricky, smart, obscure, clever, whatever. (Like my examples! :-) )

AND: you must explain why you chose the word you did, to avoid miscellaneous fakery.

After a while, I’ll close the comments and then we will vote on the best combination.  Finalists may be contacted to provide a full and complete explanation of their word combinations so you can’t fake it easily.

Got it? Good.

Here is my combination, you take it from here:

Sky King or Enola Gay?

‘ello Old Bean. Welcome to the Polo Grounds, Chap. Shall I Pour You a Spot ‘o Tea?

Published on January 15, 2009 in Entertainment and kentucky. 2 Comments

Just shoot me. Just shoot anybody that lives in Kentucky. Shoot people that were born in Kentucky twice. Shoot horse owners who have had a horse race at Churchill Downs with a bazooka. Shoot horse race lovers everywhere. Just shoot.

It’s over.

The Limeys have won after all.

The Kentucky Derby and all races at Churchill Downs will be called by… choke… an Englishman. Mark  Johnson is his name.

Mark Johnson has been a fixture at British tracks for years, calling some of the country’s highest profile races like the Epsom Derby and St. Leger Stakes. Johnson called one week of races during the 2008 fall meet at Churchill Downs before getting the nod over four other finalists.

I’ll leave the stupidity of hiring an Englishman to call horse races in Kentucky to others more qualified. Let me try to give you a clue what they future of Churchill Downs might hold with Mark  Johnson as the official track announcer.

The English lads are fond of rhyming when they chatter.  The more excited they get, the more they fill the air with rhymes.

It won’t be long before the fragrant air hanging over Churchill Downs will be echoing with such phrases as…

(I’ll let you fill in the blanks.)

  • Sir Anthony Blunt, didn’t ride a gelding on the track, he rode a horse with a …
  • Dear Princess Regina rode sidesaddle on a spotted mare and wore a spot on her …
  • Stallions next to the starting block, blimey, me mate, brass ones ‘es got next to his giant …
  • Guv’nor, the Gary Glitter ‘as gone round the bend to take his jap’s eye into Blue Moon …
  • Lord Lionel’s trotter is right away bollox ‘eard his Missus was swallowing local lads…
  • I say Commodore Hank, your studs a little bit short, can you reach down and pull out his …

I have the good fortune of knowing a thoroughbred owner. Born and raised within sight of Churchill Downs. We live within a few miles of a horse track. Mahogie is not happy. Not happy at all.  Here’s what Mahogie wrote about this sad, sad day.

Mahogie won’t stand for this of course!  Here’s top ten effects of Hiring this Dumb Arse from across the pond.

10. Austin Powers theme replaces “My Old Kentucky Home”

9. Poofter Jockeys allowed to wear knickers instead of silks.

8. First race call:  ”There Off!  Why are you chaps running the wrong way?”

7.  Safest bet : those queer judges on Dancing with the Stars had something to do with this.

6.  Is this our punishment for giving you Madonna?

5.  ”Hey Fella, we don’t accept no freakin’ Six Pence at this betting window!

4.  Announcer left for dead in infield after stating “That’s the tastiest fag I ever smoked!”

3.  95% of thoroughbreds have prettier smile than new guy in the booth.

2.  Business at bangers and mash / spotted dick kiosks always pick up after Happy Hour.

1.  New term for Breeding shed?  The Bugger Barn

flourish