Groupon CEO Andrew Mason was swilling beer from a bottle while at a meeting chastising his top employees about how childish they were.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the 31-year-old CEO said the company doesn’t “have any margin for error,”

Near the verge of tears because he had chugged to much PBR, Mason plowed ahead to motivate his staff to find better deals with better financial controls and better profit margins.

The SEC is probing Groupon because of book-cooking and other frat-boy shenanigans.

Meanwhile, out in the field, the Groupon Chicks were having a ball (maybe literally) lining up tours of Kink.com, a torture porn filmmaker.

“Groupon even advertises that groups may get to see a live filming in progress,”

according to an anti-porn group.

Groupon told the War on Illegal Porngraphy

“we strive to offer interesting and exciting deals that will appeal to our diverse customer base.”

Because of the backlash to the torture porn tour, Groupon is considering the merits of the following offers for their diverse customer base:

• Tour Mother Mary Magdalene’s OB-GYN clinic.  Spend a day with the retired Sisters. You may get to see an actual pap smear done on a seventy five year old virgin!
• Nose hair trimmer for a day at Cadaver King of Cleveland. Because hair continues to grow after death you can enjoy a variety of noses and hair and trimming. Get creative!
• Backstage with The Fluffer.
• Pre-op Pus Inspector at Burning Man. You will hang with some of the most diverse groupies ever to have assembled. It will be colorful!
• Post-op Scab Scanner at Flame Throwers R Us. You will help management determine if the scabs were actually on the job incidents. Snacks of chips and salsa will be served all day!
• Crime Scene Cleaner for the Detroit Police Department, Detroit River Division. Bodies are plucked from the Detroit River almost daily. You can watch as the bloated bodies inflate right before your eyes. Swell time!
• Colonoscopy Intern. Batches of baby boomers bring their backsides to the Boston Bean Center where you lube up and probe as many bums as you can!

This “historic” tours follow the Groupon Kink.com new marketing plan outlined here:

In the immortal words of Vanessa Pinto…
The Armory is a historical building that people are fascinated with. Human beings are curious about all sorts of things they find odd or interesting. Tours are offered of Hearst Castle, Winchester Mystery House, and Alcatraz, and no one bats an eyelash. The Armory is a very old building with a rich history that people are fascinated with. Add to that, it was bought by kink.com, the home of BDSM porn, and of course people are going to want to take a tour.

And Groupon.com will be there to make it profitable for shareholders.

Bring Beer!

It was the prudent thing to do, so the head Canadian penny-pincher decided that ditching the penny would begin this fall. The Canadian gummit will no longer produce pennies.

The Finance Minister encouraged Canadians to donate their pennies to charity.

It won’t be easy, but it’s done in other countries. The U.S. should watch and learn.

In line with a 2010 Senate report, the government will stop making pennies this fall and ask Canadian businesses and consumers to simply round up (or down) to the nearest five cents at the cash register.

But if you pay with plastic you can avoid the rounding and pay to the exact penny.

The government expects the initiative will save tax dollars, because Canadians currently lose money on every new penny produced by the Royal Canadian Mint — to the tune of $11 million per year.

The Canadian nickel is next up to be eliminated one of the lawmakers claimed.

NDP MP Pat Martin, who said he has tabled four private members bills since 2005 aimed at getting rid of the “nuisance coin,” said it costs 1.5 cents to manufacture each penny.

“Making cents hasn’t made sense for a long time,” said the parliamentarian, who said his next crusade will be against the nickel.

Australia removed its one- and two-cent coins from circulation in 1992, the United Kingdom pitched the half-penny in 1984, and after getting rid of its one-agora coin in 1991, Israel followed suit in 2008 with the five-agorot coin.

Did you know that the U.S. Military already has eliminated the penny? Yeppers, all prices are rounded to the nearest nickel…

Here’s the case for dropping the penny in the U.S.

Makes cents to me.

The “Today” show has hired Jenna Bush Hager to work for them.

The twinster daughter of ex-President Bush (love how that sounds) will work on just about what ever she wants. Kind of like Luke Russert.

NBC: home of the ordinary Xers with extraordinary connections.

Jenna Bush will work out of the Washington bureau, jumped at the chance to drag down a nice salary and work in Tee Vee.

Here is the ringing endorsement of her qualifications by her new boss:

“I think she can handle it,”

Is this a dream job for Jenna Bush Hager? Hardly, she said:

“It wasn’t something I’d always dreamed to do,” “But I think one of the most important things in life is to be open-minded and to be open-minded for change.”

Jenna Bush-Hager won’t have to give up her part time teaching job. Did I mention she will be covering education?

Sound familar? It’s the same deal offered to Luke Russert, the kid of St. Tim Russert. He was supposed to offer his worldly insights on the political scene.

NBC put Jenna Bush through a rigorous audition. She walked in, stood and read from a prompter and was offered the job.

When she came here for a handful of appearances, she knocked it out of the park.” She “just sort of popped to us as a natural presence, comfortable” on the air.

I guess that’s about the same qualifications as most females of her age group that have network Tee Vee jobs. Except she is missing the beauty queen title that most hotties of the news have.

NBC: Home of the Hotties or the Unnervous.  Tee Vee news marches on.

Oh puh-leeze, the Cash for Clunker Crybabies have just about pushed me to the limits.

First, when the program had been operation for just ten days, an owner of 20 dealerships in the east was crying about how long it took to do the paperwork for Cash for Clunkers. He was bitchin’  because he had to pay a clerk  (probably making $10 an hour) to sit in front of a computer for a few hours to submit the paperwork to collect $4,500 free money collected from you and me.

Now the paperwork is in the gummit’s hands, here’s the National Automobile Dealers Association (NADA) aka CFCC (Cash for Clunker Crybabies) are crying they aren’t getting their money quick enough.

The National Automobile Dealers Association estimates that dealers have hundreds– and in some cases thousands — of applications pending that are

“worth hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars.”

Peter Kitzmiller, president of the 325-member Maryland Automobile Dealers Association said:

“It is ludicrous at this point, We’ve got deals that are just sitting there waiting to be reviewed. The customer is gone, the car is gone, and you don’t have your money.”

Damn Republicans. (And new car dealers are all Republicans.) They cry that something needs to be done to save the U.S. car business. Obama does something.

They cry that Obama is moving too fast on the stimulus.

They cry that the stimulus idea is bad for the economy.  Cars fly out of the showrooms at record pace – after 18 months of gathering dust.  Factories go on overtime to keep up with demand.

They cry that they aren’t getting their money fast enough. They want quicker turn-around. They want bigger goverment to handle the Cash for Clunkers program.

By the end of the week, up to 1,100 people will be working full time to process cash for clunker reimbursements.

They cry that government is getting too big.

How long would you sit (or pay someone to sit)  in front of a computer to collect $4,500?

Damn Cash for Clunker Crybabies. They give money to McCain, cry that Obama got elected,  line up at the public trough and then cry that the slop is too sour.

Banks are still cheating on regulators and inspectors sent by the government.

For example, a business acquaintance of mine has an checking account that allows him to write 3 check a quarter.

He says that allows him to earn .125% on his money instead of .1%.

But once a year, he has the need to write 20 checks in one quarter. In the past, the banker always looked the other way and didn’t charge him any fees for the extra checks.

Now the bank is cheating because the government overseers are watching.

The bank said he couldn’t cheat for my friend anymore and waive the fees for those 17 checks that were over the limit because “they” were watching that type of activity.

The banker told the businessman, if it was okay with him, they would issue cashier’s checks on that same account –
and -
wait for it -
not charge him for cashier’s check.

That would be okay he said because the regulators aren’t watching that part of the business.

Okay, I get it that some banks offer cashier’s checks free for depositors. But the bank shouldn’t cheat their way around some federal watchdog.

And that is how banks cheat while the government is watching.