Archive for the 'Writing' Category

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Greg Dobbs and BoomerCafe.com are Prima Donnas

Published on February 6, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Blogging, Education, Entertainment, Health, Holy Shit! Lookit This! and Writing. 12 Comments

As I sent emails to Boomer blogs suggesting that the Hey Jerrie video was something fun that should be shared with their readers, I ran into a total asshole.

Boomercafe.com is not a site I visit. But I had them in my blogroll and this seemed right up their alley. So here’s what I wrote:

I hope you can find a way to help give this some video some buzz.
http://goinglikesixty.com/2009/02/05/rock-out-with-your-tank-out/
Allee Willis is a boomer – superstar song writer – she has a friend, Jerrie, who has lead all-girl bands for 60 years. Jerrie now needs oxygen. Allee helped Jerrie embrace the tank by making a music video of her and for her.
She asked me to help get the buzz.
I will re-write an original post for your site if this is your preference.


I got this back.

Mark, we would certainly like to look at what you’d write as an original post. Please take a look at our “submission guidelines” from boomercafe’s home page; it is important to conform to them. And although I didn’t look closely, I did look at your site and did not see your last name. We’ll need that of course if we run a piece you write.
Thanks.
Greg Dobbs, Executive Editor
BoomerCafé.com

I wrote a post for them based on their published guidelines and met all the criteria. Original content, pictures and of course the video.

Greg Dobbs, Boomercafe:

Mark, thanks, but it’s going to need more than a cut and paste. Need you to tell the story of Jerrie but from the outset focus on boomers, not on Jerrie; open it about boomers, and expand on that theme for at least the first graph. It’s about what boomers do. That’s what we run. And it needs some proofing too, which we need you to do before we do it again please. And a little longer— give us a little more fabric, a little more color. Also, if we run the final product, we’ll come back to you and ask you to choose photos and resend the video link etc. Finally, I’m afraid we would run your whole name. So let me know if you want to go on. Thanks.

GoingLikeSixty:

Nah, not today. Too much trouble.
Thanks anyway.
Mark

Greg Dobbs, Boomercafe:

If I didn’t think from your initial interest that you wanted to go to the trouble, I wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of laying out what’s needed to produce a publishable piece.  Sorry it’s too much trouble to get it posted.

GoingLikeSixty:

And if you call my original stuff “cut and paste” your standards are WAY to high for free content for your site. Blog posts by their nature are short – and refer to other blogs.
By the time I get done writing for you, I can have this posted on a dozen other blogs.

Greg Dobbs, Boomercafe:

Geez, sorry we have standards. Silly us. Maybe that’s why we’re the most viewed boomer site on the web. Do what you want elsewhere; I could care less. G’bye for good.

Check it out: A chart measuring their unique visitors last month vs. Going Like Sixty.com

compete
(Going Like Sixty is the top line)

Did I mention that they do not pay their writers? They want us to give them content so they can serve up AdSense ads and make money.
Greg Dobbs, Boomercafe:

The word you want, being such a great writer, is “lose,” not “loose.” Learn English, proofread the crap you send, maybe you’ll get further.
As for free stuff, we don’t run this to make money; we run it to give boomer writers a place to be. That’s why it’s free. And if I wanted your “great story” in my lap, I’d have run it as is, but as I already told you, in its present form for our ezine it stinks. So do you. Last reply. Go waste someone else’s time on those dozen other blogs. Goodbye.

I really miss being a younger man. It’s when I get in pissing contest like this that I miss having the pressure I used to have. I could knock a bee off a rose petal at three yards.

Obviously they need my help. So I will leave them in my blogroll and let them reap the vast traffic that I send their way monthly.

Greg Dobbs, Executive Editor of Boomspeak.com, worker-drone at Newslike Productions, professed expert in marketing to Boomers, is a for real guy. He has chops. I think we could have had some real fun together. But he chose otherwise.

He’s still firing, in response to this by me:

Yep, when writing emails, I don’t spell check. You are far superior to me. But you can’t argue the facts. My blog is far superior to yours.
This is war.
(If you were smart, you would recognize me baiting you to benefit me.)
Thanks for giving me material for great blog post.

Greg Dobbs, Boomercafe:

You really are a jerk. “This is war?” What kind of childish mind do you possess? The only reason I’m writing back is to point out to you that your vaunted compete.com is pay for play. You register and pay; we don’t. We don’t have to. As for proofreading, you’ve got mistakes in the lousy piece you sent, not just your email messages. But sorry, someone superior like you doesn’t have to worry about being smart, or efficient, or accurate. You just have to worry about being a pain. You succeed. Now, really, crawl back into your hole and give someone else the misery of your company.

Actually Greg, I’m a smart-ass. My blog let’s me release my inner smart-ass. And as far as this being a “great blog post” I was wrong. It’s a really crappy blog post. But it will do for a Friday afternoon.

I hope Greg Dobbs next colonoscopy is done with a Roto-rooter to get the cob out of his ass.

Need a Quick, Funny Read? Try Family Gems

Published on January 30, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Entertainment, Family, Food and Writing. 0 Comments

Family Gems, not Family Jewels, you perv. Nancy used to go to an office where a Daniel and she hung out and collected a paycheck. Some work got done, but a lot of play got more doner. Daniel and his accomplice wrote a book which was just released. She and I read it while we were on our way to trade bourbon for silver and turquoise with the Indians.

Manuscripts are sometimes rejected by agents based on the first sentence.

In practice, none of the agents got past the first page of any 3-page submission. Some they read to the bottom of the first page, but then they started rejecting them before they got that far.

Starts with dialogue.” Toss.
“Starts with weather.” Toss
“They’re in an elevator!” Toss
“Starts with a prologue!” Toss.

Hell’s Bells, The Fresh President’s book was rejected.

Given that it was written by Daniel, I thought I should give Family Gems a go. After all, I was on a plane with nothing else to do, what could a hundred pages hurt? Especially since it’s only a total of 164 pages.
9781434397249_cover.indd

Literally the first sentence Family Gems had me hooked. This is a fun, fun book. The concept is intriguing. Would you be interested in reading the regular letters between two sisters?

Sure you would! Who doesn’t like to eavesdrop?  Daniel writes as Ruby and his co-author Jim writes as Jewell, the time is late summer 1976 to spring 1977. Before email, when getting a long distance call was still a big deal.

These are Eastern Kentucky women. But I think anyone with a sister they are close to will identify with some of the letters. Through their letters they laugh together, complain together, cry together, get mad together, but in the end, they are still each other’s best friend and confidant.

Jewell and her family are still living in, and dealing with, Buck Creek, Kentucky. Ruby and her husband have moved to retire in Falstaff, Arizona.

When I read this book, I found myself smiling. Every once in a while, I found a laugh out loud passage:

Ruby writes…

Teensie can still do hair OK, but she’s always smoking one of those long Virginia Slim cigarettes…when she starts spraying the Aqua Net in one hand with a cigarette in the other, I’m afraid she will blow my head off.

As you might expect other characters weave in and out of the letters. You will believe they actually exist and not just there for a plot line.

Jewell writes a column for the local Beattyville Weekly Word:

…this year the talent category has been deleted due to the fact that the PA system was shorted out …by the lovely Karla Kaye Kissenger, who will not be competing this year as she is in the fourth grade.

Nancy Van Zant (very loosely based on my wife) sets up a trip for Ruby to visit New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Ruby is beside herself with excitement…

…last chance to get real intoxicated and act like a fool before you have to repent and give up stuff to show how sorry you are before celebrating the crucifixion of our precious Lord and Saviour.

Ruby’s excitement turns south quickly as she discovers that New Orleans is the “big, old, lobby of Hell.”

Interspersed among the letters are authentic family recipes. I skipped over those, but I sure hope Nancy gives a few of them a try!

I enjoyed this book a lot. Two sisters writing about their everyday lives. Who da thunk it?

July 4, 1976

Buck Creek, KY

My Dearest Ruby,

Do you remember the time when Mama told Connie he was freezing her pussy off?

Great first sentence for a book, right? Read the rest of that letter and Ruby’s reply at the author’s site.

Buy it, read it, and then come back and let me know if you just didn’t enjoy the heck out of it.

flourish

Remember December, It’s Been a Tough Year. Midst of Recession, Future Unclear. Let’s Shop!

Published on December 27, 2008 in Baby Boomer, Empty Nesters, Shopping and Writing. 1 Comment

Saturday.

As he sat there at peace with his dogs at his side,
she approached him and said ” let’s go for a ride.”

He glanced at the computer, no emails or RSS to be read,
so he blurted unexpectedly “let’s go shopping instead.”

As soon as he said it, he had immediate regret,
“Sure,” she baited him, “let’s go to Target.”

Remember December, it’s been a tough year,
401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession, future unclear.

Quickly he thought, what’s an option to shopping, AHA!
“It’s so very nice, let’s get naked and sit in the spa!”

As they pulled into the Target lot with the rest of the crowd,
he wasn’t yet totally broken, “I will shop too, he vowed.

As they entered the store, a choice was clear,
electronics and candy – left, Christmas clearances – rear.

Remember December, it’s been a tough year,
401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession, future unclear.

As he wandered among stuff and checked prices,
it became clear there was nothing here for any of his vices.

Their paths crossed again, she hadn’t gotten far,
“…heading for the bathroom…” “…I’ll wait in the car…”

He tuned in some bluegrass and began the wait,
she came soon, skipped the door, opened the tailgate.

Remember December, it’s been a tough year,
401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession, future unclear.

“I got Macy’s money, I think you need some pants.”
“No, let’s skip it, I got plenty” with a look askance.

“Damn” he thought, “Amazon sale!” It was shirts he bought.
“Barnes and Noble?” she asked. “Nah,” he replied, “let’s not.”

Kohl’s was a siren call coming at the next intersection,
He maneuvered the car in the opposite direction.

Remember December, it’s been a tough year,
401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession, future unclear.

They returned home and decluttered the car,
he headed outside to the sun to enjoy a cigar.

She was not happy when she poked her head out the door.
“Oliver’s got a problem and there’s bloody poop on the floor.”

He speculated what got into Oliver – the old fogey,
but just sat there and enjoyed the rest of  his stogey.

Remember December, it’s been a tough year,
401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession, future unclear.

The clouds did roll in, he finally threw down the butt,
and stepped inside to clean up after the mutt.

She was already running the cleaner – clearly on the brink,
Without a pause, “just stay outside until you don’t stink.”

Since he already had a started his blog thought,
he grabbed a pad and paper on which to jot.

Remember December, it’s been a tough year,
401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession, future unclear.

It will be colder tomorrow, probably rain too, so no cigar then
He grabbed another one and headed outside again.

He tried to sneak it, what was his cover? what was handy?
“She’ll believe this, I’ll grab a handful of candy.”

Framed print of a giraffe leaned on the shelf against the wall.
He shoved the candy dish against it, causing it to fall.

Remember December, it’s been a tough year,
401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession, future unclear.

Down it came busting the frame, smashing the glass.
He cussed to himself  “go for the second? you dumb ass.”

He cleaned up the shards, got a nice finger sliver.
She gave him a look that replaced the pain with a shiver.

She’ll replace the scene of the animal and it’s long neck,
probably using the bulk of his coming Google check.

Remember December,

it’s been a tough year,

401K cut, portfolio down, midst of recession,

future very unclear.

Chubby Caesar Victim of Credit Crisis

Published on December 17, 2008 in Baby Boomer, Blogging, Cars, Entertainment and Writing. 5 Comments


Csaba Csere is the venerable editor of Car and Driver magazine and has been for the past 28 years. I used to be a Car and Driver magazine reader, but I quit. I was one of the reasons Csaba Csere dedided to quit his editing job. Readership is down. Ad pages are down.

Am I the only one that likes to hear the words in my head as I read them?

Csaba Csere.

I heard him introduced once for an interview and I positive his first name is something like Chubby. Maybe Chabba? And his last name was something like Sherry.
But to this day, when I see Csaba Csere, I read Chubby Caesar.
I bet I still will have a chance to mis-mind-pronounce his name in the future. He’ll probably write for AutoBlog or Jalopnik. Blog publishers don’t make their writers rich and famous like magazine publishers used to, but he probably has a nice nest egg put away, so he will do fine.

Plus he will still get to drive all those cool cars.

My dream job.

update: maybe the corrections will catch the non-RSS readers! Sorry.
update2: based on Beth’s comment (and I don’t know why I didn’t think of this…) here is Chubby Chedda

A Tail In Witch Ewe Will Mispronounce At Least One Word If Red Allowed

Published on December 2, 2008 in Writing. 3 Comments Tags: .

Daily Writing Tips says you will have some problems with the pronunciations of some of these bold face words if you read this aloud. Their opinion, not mine. I disagree with only one interpretation, but I mispronounce many more. See how you do and compare your language use to theirs.

Anyway, you ask about the candidate? She served in the cavalry in the Arctic one February.

This is the way I interpret her old-fashioned niche in America.

Being an athlete, clothes were not her forte. Irregardless, Halloween was an especially heinous time for her. She thrived on the chaos of the day and eschewed the beautiful foliage of the season. She was very mischievous and could orient herself in a manner that played to the height of medieval acts.

In Illinois, where she was born, barbed wire is not uncommon. Often, Realtors use it as a preventative to protect tracts of land. They were somewhat ticklish that a vehicle might have an incident and a person could end up drowned in a miniature lake, more commonly know as a pond, fishing hole, watering hole, et cetera.

Regardless, the candidate did not have the aegis to prevent a prescription for disaster. She needed a man. Someone who would serve as an asterisk to her legend. An accessory. The man she had her eye on had prostate problems, so sex wasn’t an issue. It was like he had been spayed. She had spotted him from the dias during the presentation of the Sherbet Cache Award, a lovely jewelry piece. (The Sherbet Cache Award was her’s alone. Long days at the library, studying the hierarchy of precipitation melt, her eyes would dilate as she tried to picture where the best snow drift would accumulate and secure the sherbet until spring.)

This is how Horse Force, Scary Fairy, Wire Spire, Silhouette Sherbet Cache Bash and Illinois Ploy became a part of our American folklore.

UPDATE: I think saying neesh for niche is too hoity-toity. I mispronounce miss-chiv-ous by saying mis-cheev-ious.