Tag Archive for 'father’s day'

Ten Things NOT to Do With a Boomer Dad on Father’s Day

Father’s Day is just around the corner. I got my order in early for my Father’s Day gift idea, but was told that it was out-of-stock. Bulbous spends all day online, but when it comes to shopping, she is challenged. She doesn’t realize that the deal yesterday is gone today.

But if you are the kid of a boomer dad, and you think buying a gift for him is impossible and are thinking that spending time with his spawn would be a nice gift. Think again.

Especially if you were thinking of…

Ice skating – The only ice in June should be connected to the Stanley Cup or an adult beverage, usually both.

Dive bar – he’s been there, done that – and you might be embarrassed when everybody knows his name.

Flea Market – you will regret when he goes into his  ”I remember when…” mode and then tries to dicker with the vendor by saying, “it only cost $2 brand new!”)

Home Tour – are you really asking for an afternoon of constant sighing and shifting from foot to foot?

Climbing Wall - puh-leeze. 1. Your dad is a total sofa spud or 2. Your dad is a total sports stud. No climbing wall is suitable for either.

Farmer’s Market – He will see all his buddies and they will stand around regaling each other with fantastically detailed weather reports/predictions/complaints.

Gunnery Range – Remember, dad maybe on ‘Roids for some disorder you are unaware of. A trip to the gunnery range could trigger him.

Winery – See Home Tour

Musical Theater – Unless it’s Stomp or Blue Man Group. Nothing else. Period.

Bowling – See Farmer’s Market

Open Mic Night – your dad WILL perform. Count on it. And the biggest laughs will be when he talks about YOU growing up.

If you’re looking for things to do with your boomer dad on Father’s Day, give me a shout. I’ll need his age, weight, height, and sexual orientation. Same for you.

I’m here to serve.

 

 

Happy Father’s Day

As seen at Villa d’ Miller Chill on Father’s Day.

Yes, I remember Schlitz. Is it even around today? I think it has/had the same “panache” as Old Milwaukee, Stroh’s,  Pabst Blue Ribbon and Blatz.

We would use those brands when I was mixing 1/2 beer and 1/2 pineapple wine.

Today we mix Bud Light,diet  Raspberry Lemonade, Skyy Vodka and organic Raspberrys.

The only issue is: Nancy doesn’t drink her fair share. The recipe makes a large pitcher full and once she has a small glass, she’s so hot she stares into the fridge flapping the door while I finish the rest of the pitcher.

Dick Van Dyke Had The Worst TV Son Ever


Father’s Day, when everybody reflects on fathers, real or pretend.
My nomination for the worst son ever – at least he played one on TeeVee – is Larry Matthews.

This week, there was an event reuniting make-believe good TV dads and former child actors. But it ignored the more interesting bad dads, like Tony Soprano, Archie Bunker, Homer Simpson…

Larry Matthews showed up with his TeeVee dad… Dick Van Dyke.

Larry Matthews was the worst child actor of all time. Worst.

fathers-day-van-dyke-2401

The kid always had a smirk on his face, even when he socked Freddie Halper in the eye and was supposed to be in big, big trouble, he would be smirking.

Punk kid knew he was cute, saying cute things. I really dislike smug.

dickvandykelarrymatthews

Larry Matthews as The Beaver Ritchie Petrie was awful.

Now Jerry-Mathers-as-The-Beaver was a kid who could act. But Ron Howard will never be surpassed as the best kid actor Of. All. Time ime, ime, ime (echo effect turned on.) Plus it’s doubly cool that he is a fantastic director and takes good care of his brother by giving him a role in all his films.

Thank you TVland for bringing us marathons so I can have such educated opinions on hot topics like the worst child actor and who’s crazy on “She’s Got The Look.”

Rodenator: The Perfect Father’s Day Gift


*Ahem,* child of mine who might be reading this, I am officially requesting the Rodenator as my Father’s Day Gift.

I am even offering financial support in your acquisition of the awesome Rodenator. The Sixty Explosive Stimulus we shall call it.

I don’t need one, we don’t have burrowing rodents.

I just want one.

Squirrels are rodents, we have squirrels, burrowing rodents must be cousins. Must kill all rodents in as violent manner as possible!

Explosions! Dirt flying! This. Is. Awesome.

rodenator

I would volunteer to take my Rodenator and do anybody’s yard. I would do all the local parks. If there was a hole in the ground I would insert my Rodenator and explode it.

This is the Father’s Day present every Father really wants. Really, really wants.

I understand the Spokane Humane Society is all up in arms about the possible use of the Rodenator on their rodents. Their disease ladden, ground bulging, mite ridden dirt rodents might die a painful death.

OK, in the spirit of the Obama’s, who promise to adopt a shelter dog, but instead gave money to the Humane Society, I will donate a nickel for every ground rat I kill to the local no-kill animal shelter.

Or, I will donate the exploded remains to the local food bank for rodent stew. It won’t be as good as Beaver Stew, but I don’t want to get wet killing beavers. Dirty? yes. More hearing loss? yes. Wet? nah.

Sixty, Rodenator Extraordinare, at your service. Have gas, will travel.