Tag Archive for 'golf'

Transition from Golfer to Fisher Starts

Published on October 8, 2010 in Baby Boomer. 6 Comments Tags: , .

I’m not giving up golf.

But I am taking up fishing. I got started today on accumulating the thousands of dollars of fishing gear needed to look like I know what I am doing.

Golfers have it pretty easy:

  • Dress up in some Loudmouth Pants

  • Snag a killer golf cart

  • and get a snazzy bag

  • to hold some used golf clubs

  • and the golfer is good to go.

Looking good on the way from the pro shop to the first tee is paramount. After the first shot that only goes 18 feet, nobody cares about the details of which ball you are using or if you shoes are spikeless or if your clubs are the latest brand name.

But fisher people have it much tougher when it comes to the equipment. I’m just learning, but I will keep you updated.

Today I made my first purchase and hooked my first catch. Within minutes of each other.

I bought a fishing pole at a yard sale for $3.oo and hooked myself as I put the pole next to the yak in the car.

Owie.

Picking My Outfit for the Sacred Weekend

Published on April 8, 2009 in Baby Boomer. 4 Comments Tags: , .


Nancy suggested I needed a new wardrobe since Spring is springing and I have gained a pound or twelve since last golf season. Lo and behold, I give you Loud Mouth Pants just in time for the Sacred Weekend: The Masters on CBS with limited interruption brought to you by Cadillac.

Why is it that the game that demands silence during play has the loudest pants? Do Polka dots make you looks slimmer?

Think I could get into the Masters if  I wore pants like these?

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Our New $160,000 House – How Cheating Pays Off

Published on July 27, 2008 in Empty Nesters, Entertainment and Holy Shit! Lookit This!. 2 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

Whomever said “never trust a young chick showing lots of cleavage at a blackjack table” was wrong. Nancy showed her trust and even invited me to sit at the same blackjack table and enjoy the view game with this young chick dealer.

The Twits and Twats golf tournament opening event Friday night was a putting contest followed by a Casino Night. Nancy first invited the folks from NashVegas to come to Le Club Du Golf when she ran the Cocks and Knockers tournament last year. (The tournament is really called the Braves and Squaws, which I find more offensive than Chicks and Dicks or the other names mentioned.)

It was such a big hit, they were invited back.

These folks didn’t show up with plastic game tables and plastic chips. They were the real thang. The guy who runs the company makes the tables for real casinos and his side business is running casino nights for corporate events and such. Real tables, real roulette, real craps, real chips!

nashvillevegas

The people he hires to run the tables are NOT the real thang. They cheat.

Thus our ability to spend our $160,000 winnings on a couple of bird houses and some suet.

I like to play Hold’em online, but never played at a real table with a real dealer and real chips until last year. I had a ball, busted out and loved it.

I did the same thing this year.

Nancy likes to play Blackjack. She sent word that if I needed chips, to just let her know. I blew off the messenger, but two hands, later after a massive all-in bet holding a full house, lost everything. My eights in the hole got beat by Queens in the hole. I am such a gambler!

I moseyed over to her table to announce I was ready to go home, and ended up watching her table. I was still to prideful to accept her generous offer.

After ten minutes, I took a thousand from her stack and sat down and bet it on one hand.

I had 20, dealer had to stand on 17. Winnah.

Let it ride, I got 18 with three cards, dealer busted. Winnah.

Let it ride, I got 17, dealer showing 10. Dealer looks at me, I indicate I was good, (I didn’ t want another card) she looks at next card and gives it to me, making 20. She shows 20 and pays me.

Huh?

Let it ride. Next hand, it takes me four cards to make 16. Oh-uh, not looking good. Dealer busts. Winnah? Really? Again?

Let it ride.

BTW: everybody else is winning also. But sometimes the dealer would look at a “hit” card and put it back in the shoe. Sometimes she would do this twice before giving them their “hit” card to go with their hole cards.

We had a Cheating Dealer! It was wonderful!

Nancy once commented “that’s not the card I wanted,” and dealer replied, “that’s OK, you’re beat anyway.” Nancy wasn’t betting her entire stack on every hand like I was, so the dealer let her lose occasionally.

Near the end of the evening, it was getting harder and harder for the dealer to make us winners. She had returned so many cards to the shoe, and had not shuffled, so the cards were starting to repeat – either very low cards or very high cards.

So we playahs just began trading the cards we needed.

And when the dealer left to cash someone out? Nancy just helped herself to the dealer’s bank and gave us all a bunch of chips.

The items available for “auction” were quite nice. Titan’s tickets, liquor, wine, crystal decanter, luxury bath items, luxury food items, but we had our eyes on the bird houses, suet, and other assorted goodies from Bird, Bath, and Beyond.

We found out Saturday night our bid of $160,000 was the one and only bid for the birds.

Winnah!

I’ll post a picture later of the $160,000 bird house.

Winners never cheat, cheaters never win? One Blackjack table at Le Club Du Golf Casino Night didn’t quit live up to that bromide.

And we loved it!

However the golf gods were watching today, and punished us rather severely.

Geezer Guzzling Golf Game

Published on May 21, 2008 in Baby Boomer, Entertainment and Food. 6 Comments Tags: , , , .

Remember college? If no, skip the rest, if yes, remember drinking games? Quincy? Quarters? Beer Pong?

Sometimes it rains when a round of golf is scheduled or in progress. No biggie, keep playing. But when the lightning comes, boomer golfers head for the clubhouse where the TV usually has a golf tournament playing or re-playing. That electricity in the air is hell on pace-makers.

Here’s a game to play while watching the tournament:

Geezer Golf Guzzling

(Guzzling can be redefined to drinking or tipping or sipping if needed because everyone is on Wellbutrin, Cialis or FloMax.)

Equipment needed: Beer and bourbon and bucks and beer nuts. TV with Tivo for disputed calls.

  • “Get in the hole” – said on television.  Everybody takes a sip of beer. This will happen on every tee shot, so this just keeps everyone drinking.
  • “Get in the hole” – said by anyone in the clubhouse. Doesn’t not apply for any other comments regarding any other life situations. Shot of bourbon.
  • Analyst says sand shot is the easiest shot in golf: Shot of bourbon, chug what’s left of beer.
  • “Gotta keep it in the fairway…” – everyone gives the server a buck.
  • Stroke. (Can be a game by itself.) Anytime the word stroke (or variation)  is said, everyone must 1. yell stroke and 2. drop head backward. Last man to do it has to take a shot of bourbon. Note: if someone in the group has HAD a stroke, instead of yelling stroke, you yell his name.
  • “Golf Shot” – Chug beer and take a shot. WTF! It’s a golf tournament.
  • Whang – when golfer slams club into turf in disgust. Absolute silence until next golf shot.
  • Titties – if a commercial has a female golfer, you buy beer for the person on your left. If it’s a model who doesn’t know a shaft from a shalale, this round is void. If it’s Paula Creamer, just watch and quietly say her last name – once.

  • “Makeable putt” – when missed, the person to your right buys your next beer.
  • “He’s got to be happy with that.” Shot of bourbon followed by “bullshit.”
  • “Pin high” – drink of beer, say “up and down in two.”
  • Weather Channel – if anyone flips to the weather channel and says “looks like it’s will be gone soon.” Throw beer nuts at him. You’re too drunk to play anyway.

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