Tag Archive for 'kayak'

Class 2 Whitewater Swimming: Bomb Assin’ Down the River

The Albatross White Squall Jeff Bridges

To recap: I have been swimming twice in the river. I have done my version of The Albatross from the movie White Squall. I have rolled over in the waves.

Hauling Balls

In a video taken at the put in, Scott predicts

There he goes, hauling balls. He’s gonna get an eye opener in a minute. Oh he’s gonna swim.

Hauling balls. Har.

Scott said I should have a plan to run the river…

break it into pieces, it will make it easier, it will make it funner. You’re just bomb assin’ down, not knowin’ where you goin’ just holding on…

Hee. Bomb assin’ – this is my new favorite saying. I may rename by kayak from Rocks or Water to Bomb Assin’

Here is my second swim after “hauling balls…”

I am so dam graceful, even in defeat, I can’t stand it. *chortle* At least we got good video. Here’s how you are supposed to run this section of water.

I was pleased with myself that I didn’t panic. I knew the roll was going to happen, there was no stopping the inevitable, so literally, I had to go with the flow.

After my easy exit from my watercraft, I turned loose of everything and concentrated on my safety. I floated gently down the stream (merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream.)

I didn’t hear Scott suggest the trying to catch the eddy (as seen on the video.) I was focused on my inner clamness. I missed the eddy and he realized I was pretty helpless and needed to swim to the bank. He didn’t have to tell me twice.

As I reached the closest bank and and stood up in the water, I looked to see Scott rounding a bend with my kayak upside down.

I swore. A lot. Not really mad at anybody, just mad that Scott had to take time to corral my kayak. Rather than enjoying himself, he was helping me out. In the longer video, it shows he really had to work to get my kayak to the side. Really work.

As I stood there cussing, Paul came along and said I might want to get out of the river because of hypothermia. Once on the bank, I  could see that Scott had maneuvered his kayak alongside mine and was waiting in an eddy around the next bend.

By then, I’m done. I mean I am turning it in. I am pooped and mad and don’t want to be a further burden to the guys. I start walking on the bank.  I’m dragging myself and my kayak back to the put in. No doubt about it.

When I reach Scott and my yak and tell them I am throwing in the towel, they both say that the rest of the trip is an easy float. The rapids were done.

Besides, they reveal,  it would be a two hour walk back dragging the kayak. That convinced me to  continue. If not anything, I am lazy.

I pulled my kayak up on the shore to dump it. The paddle gets wedged under the boat and I proceed to lift the kayak full of water onto the paddle shaft.

It broke.

But I didn’t realize what I had done until I was sitting back in place ready to hit the current. Paul noticed the one paddle end was at a 45 degree angle to the shaft.

Yes, I am in the creek with a broken paddle. Shafted. Hoisted on my own petard. Screwed.

I cuss some more. A lot.

Without a second thought, Paul said he could use the broken paddle and I should take his.  Then he realized he had hand paddles.

Whitewater Kayak Hand Paddles

Yeah, the guy was willing to spend the rest of the trip with his hands in the freezing cold water so I could use his paddle.

Didn’t I tell you how nice these guys were? The guy gave me his paddle!

They were right, the rest of the trip was a float – albeit a fast one. We sped along with the current as I listened to them talk about the real whitewater they normally played in. I was hoping they would speculate that perhaps there were some Class 3 rapids we passed through.

Nope, they agreed that these were still Class 2.

Class 2: Some rough water, maybe some rocks, small drops, might require maneuvering. (Skill Level: Basic Paddling Skill)

Basic paddling skill. *cough*shit*cough*

When we reached the take out, we all agreed that the wind shift had chilled us pretty well and there would be only one run this day.  But what a day it was. I’m ready to go back – but only when we can read the river gauge and it reads 2 – 2.5 feet.

I was down the creek with a broken paddle once and don’t care to repeat it.

But I’ll be on another river this Saturday.

Kayakers Force Me To Go Against the Flow – Dam!

kayak in front of dam

I gave into peer pressure to my fellow kayakers on Saturday.

As opposed to Piers pressure to which CNN gave in.

Aside: And before we go any further, what is the female of fellow? Femellow?

My fellow and femellow yakkers put a high pressure on me Saturday and I bowed. I should have been more stern.

I like to go with the flow, (I should have been a urologist) not create waves (not good with oscilloscopes) , be laid-back (as in reclining).

One of our earlier kayak trips was a two-mile paddle upstream to the confluence of two rivers and then down stream to the put-out.

Another aside: Yes, this is going to be crammed with as many bad puns as I can manage.

After my first experience going against the flow, I promised I would never go upstream again. We have been without rain for a while and a lot of the tributaries are dry. It’s like going from one ex-stream to another.

I should be paddled. Rapidly.

I gave in to Pier One pressure. (That’s the pressure I feel upon entering the store because I am not a hipster. I am a kneester. My hips are fine – tyvm. A kneester is one who has had a knee replacement. My daughter had a friend named Kuester… yes pronounced Kee-ster! I think she was afraid to leave town because there was a chain of hardware stores named the same thing, and we never gave it another thought that her name was synonym for ass.)

Currently, I am recovering from another dam adventure river voyage. It was a renewal. A River Phoenix.

Yeah, I know, if we were in the Ukraine you would Crimea river.

The Live in Fear weather forecaster called for a rainy day (every day in a kayak is a wet one – insert your own pun here). But we got high and it was a sunny morning.

The organizer for the trip was Matt who described it this way:

We’ll paddle up-stream to view the lock and there are two side creeks to explore if the water level is favorable. This scenic section of Green River is highlighted by a paddle under a large natural rock arch. This is a 8 mile paddle that should take about 5 hours.

Our nomadic tribe will  settle for this current leader until we  find a Bedouin.

We had a great time as usual. One of our beavers died and was scene floating downstream. Fortunately for us it wasn’t the human fellow kayaker, Mr. Beaver, it an animal. Both have a distinct odor as we passed.

As we were breaking on a rock island, the dead beaver caught up with us. Matt observed that we are a sad bunch when a dead beaver was making better time down stream than we were. Travel tip: If you need an eye doctor on  Alaskan island make sure you see an optical Aleutian.

I prefer to take breaks in the south of France because there is nothing Toulouse.

The rock bluffs were just amazing reaching from water level to 20-40 feet. I was feeling boulder than the rest, so I stopped and answered the call of nature (#1). I was very careful. You know he survival rate after a fall into a deep hole is abyssmal.

Dam! Succumbing to peer pressure can be fun!

30 days to Barbados. I can’t wait. Salt water puns are a bunch abalone.

Why Drifters Love Kayaking

Me and the Green River

Imagine getting in a kayak and drifting from the Cayman Islands to Key West 600 miles away. Impossible you scoff?

The Coast Guard found a drifting kayak 4 miles from Key Largo, Floridia. No body was found with the yak. But the Coast Guard had to determine the origin of the small craft. (Why? Dunno.)

“This is certainly a crazy, crazy story — just bananas front to back,” said Sam Dawson, owner of the kayak.  “Even if you understand the Gulf Stream, it’s a pretty phenomenal story of how it traveled that far.  And it’s pretty phenomenal how they found me.”  Six weeks ago, while enjoying the surf at his home in the Caymans, Dawson lost his ride.  “I got caught by a wave and flipped off,” Dawson said.  “The wave took the surf ski away from me — I assumed never to be seen again.”

How can you not love a hobby that requires no effort and can lead you to exotic lands?

My Souvenirs from 29 Miles- 2 days – on the Green River


I’m taking some crap from daughter because she says kayaking is redneck.

Meh.

Anything done by rednecks is redneck -

  • riding horses
  • golf
  • hiking
  • biking

She won’t be convinced otherwise,  enjoying nature by paddling a river that runs through a National Forest isn’t exclusive to rednecks.

Some of the kayaks in our group cost $1000+ and the gear was top of the line stuff. Including the photography gear. The price of something doesn’t make it any more/less redneck… afterall, mud bogging isn’t a cheap hobby.

I know I packed my finest:

Rocks or Water – Kayak powered by Maker’s Mark Bourbon

Damn clever name if I do say so myself! And adding the logo to the side of my kayak was pure genius – because when there are 30-40 kayakers, it’s impossible to remember names. Now I’m either “that Sixty guy” or “Maker’s Mark guy.”

OK, back to the redneckness of kayaking rivers. She does have a point when she says camping on the side of the river is a pretty redneck thing to do.

And it was damn fun.

The unrednecks stay in campgrounds with running water, showers, and flush toilets. And loud music, televisions, and motorcycles.

I made some more Kayak Memories:

  • saw an awesome spring fed grotto that we entered by kayaking past massive sand walls. The spring was coming from below the bluffs on the back part of the grotto. Bone-chilling cold water on a 98 degree day. Breathtaking. Literally.
  • kayaking 30 feet back into a cave – tons and tons of rock a foot above our heads.
  • camping within yards of the opening of a cave.

These memories will be with me. My souvenirs: a broken nail and blister will go away. And I’m fairly certain I will be able to extend my fingers again.

29 miles in about 8 hours paddling with a current that varied between “shit this is sloooooowwwwww” to “nice flooooooooooooow.”

Going Like 3.625 (mph). And loving it.

Terrefugia With Kayaks: Flying Amphibious Car

St. Todd deCubbville loves aeroplanes.

He is dropping subtle hints that he would like  Terrafugia flying car.

Hints like:

Buy me this for my birthday.

For a guy, that’s subtle.

After an exchange of emails, he said if I bought another kayak, to make it amphibious, he would fly me down to the Everglades and I could kayak among the gators.

Yeah, subtle.

Gators. Kayak. Me.

Just glad that life insurance bill finally got paid!