Tag Archive for 'Paula Abdul'

Attention Birthers: I Am Kenyan. Other Moments of “Duh”

Published on August 6, 2009 in Baby Boomer, Birthdays, Childhood, Entertainment and Politics. 1 Comment Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

I knew it wouldn’t take long for Dou Lobbs to take after me, the old buzzard. To avoid further controversy about my birthplace, I am publishing – for the first time – my Kenyan birth certificate to keep the birthers at bay.

You will have to click to enlarge to read the faded document – after all Kenyan birther certificates aren’t printed on the best paper. The typewriter used to fill out by Kenyan birther document needed a new ribbon too.

Remember that? Changing typewriter ribbons? Before cartridges? Fingers would get all smudged with ink and you itch your face and walk around all day and nobody tells you “there is a black smudge on your face.” Or what that just me?
kenyanbirthcertificate
(clickify to explode)

Here are some other moments of “duh”:

  • Forbes says Air Force Academy top school: Duh. Takes a congressional appointment, you can’t drink or do drugs, no long hair,guaranteed a job afterwards, and eventually you are a General.
  • Brad Pitt says “No” to Angelina: Duh. He has the perfect reason. He tells Angie, if gays can’t marry, then I won’t marry you. It’s the activist/protest avoidance.
  • Big party when Paula Abdul said she wasn’t returning: Duh. She’s a star. They aren’t. It’s just jealousy. Paula will be have regular weekly appearances on Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, The View, Jon & Kate + 9, and Sponge Bob.
  • Lots o’ Rumors on Paula’s replacement: Duh. There is Kirstie Alley and moi at the top, then Diana Ross, Victoria Beckham, Natalie Cole, Allee Willis, Mrs. Butterworth and Rosanne auditioning in case Kirstie and I can’t make the deal.

60 Out

I’ll miss Paula Abdul

Published on August 5, 2009 in Baby Boomer and Entertainment. 3 Comments Tags: , .


I’ll miss Paula Abdul.

Watching her was a big part of American Idol. Paula Abdul was a fan, a cheerleader, a supporter, a spirited soul. She hardly had a bad thing to say about anybody – no matter how ridiculous their performance.

I’ll miss Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell’s constant harassing of the poor woman. He was merciless, but she took it in stride knowing that it made for great television.

When the “performers” weren’t entertaining, she would be. When the performers were entertaining, Paula was the first to jump to her feet and do that fakey “don’t-break-a-finger-nail-palms-together” applause.

Watching Paula Abdul was like watching:

  • George Bush at a press conference
  • a train wreck
  • Wipeout
  • Survivor
  • a child saying it’s first words
  • a drunk
  • an expert double-talker
  • Simon as a ventriloquist
  • the Hindenburg
  • a Tsunami of emotions
  • a bad fashion show
  • a good fashion show
  • infomercial for teeth whiteners
  • Evil Knievel
  • Scooby Doo on downers

I’ll miss Paula Abdul.  You never know what she would say or do next.

But Kara DeGuardYourOwn is pleasant to look at and highly qualified. I’m guessing she won’t be sitting beside Simon, I think she could take him in a catfight.

I’ll miss Paula Abdul.

American Idol Creator Simon Fuller is a Boomer Merv Griffin.

Published on April 16, 2008 in Entertainment. 7 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , .

Simon Fuller took a simple concept like Merv’s Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and made it work for TV. Fuller took “Let’s put on a show” idea from the Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland era and updated it.

Like Griffin, he became one very rich man because he kept things simple.

Get one B list performer (Paula Abdul) and a guitar player NOBODY outside of the business has heard of (Randy Jackson) to join a record executive (Simon Cowell) and judge 983,766 “performers” to end up with ten people with real star potential.

The real genius comes in the final eliminations – the judging by the viewers. I’m assuming American Idol gets a cut from each call. 33-36 million telephone charges every week are pure profit to the American Idol machine owned by Fuller.

It’s so ingenious that bloggers are speculating we may someday vote for president by texting. OMG, is that a laugh. Imagine the gummit getting involved in that process. If we thot hanging chads were a problem…

Fuller has to be looking at Twitter.com and salivating. Twitter is a social application which allows one to post 140 words at a time to be shared with people who decide to follow your “tweets.” I imagine when American Idol is live, the tweets are fast and furious about the performances. Fuller has yet to figure out a way to make money (twitter spam?) off tweets.

But he’s close. At the American Idol live concert, one of the local phone companies displayed messages texted, after it passed their censor, on a large screen. For the hour before the performance, it was impossible to resist staring at “Jen Luvs Daughtry” “Kelli Rocks” “Yell for Jordin” or “Pull My Finger.” Yes, they did let some “fun” messages get shown to the crowd.

Fans were tweeting through a human interface. The Fuller I.T. gang are probably working on a Twitter-like system as we speak.

American Idol is very portable also. It’s show is tape delayed to over 100 countries, with at least four other countries having their own live versions.

Fuller knows his stuff all right. His company managed or manages The Spice Girls, David and Victoria Beckham individually Amy Winehouse, Anni Lennox, and most of the American Idol winners.

Merv would be proud.mervmug.jpg

UPDATE: Randy likes to talk about singers being “pitchy.” It doesn’t matter. Sound engineers can make any singer sound great.