Tag Archive for 'total knee replacement'

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Total Knee Replacement: Shall I Just Screw With Their Minds?


Grandad writes today of a person in the hospital who almost became the victim of mis-communication…

patient was being wheeled down to the operating theatre, and the nurses and anaesthetist were discussing the impending operation. The patient had to butt into their conversation to point out that their information was wrong, and that the problem was on the patient’s right side and not the left.

Herself, Grandad’s better 2/3, also met a similar screw-up, and Grandad Himself, went in to the hospital for a conked noggin and found out later he had three broken ribs.

Gulp.

During pre-op for my Total Knee Replacement (ta-da-dummmmm) twice the nurse asked if I was having my left knee replaced.
Yes and Yes.
The pre-op nurse explained that I will be asked this many times. Even in the O.R.  (I shall henceforth refer to the O.R. as Operating Theater, so much classier.) She opined that it was not that they didn’t know what they were doing, it’s just that they wanted to make sure.

No shirt, shitlock! Thank you trial lawyers.

Unless Grandad will make an overseas house call for some of his D-I-Y body repair, I will be offering up these assessments of my Total Knee Replacement (ta-da-dummmmmm).

Left Knee Replacement? Why no… I’m here for a…

  • Cleft Brie Displacement – I’m only here to cut the cheese
  • Theft Flea Emplacement – I’m liberating clueless creatures to a warmer environment
  • Bereft Bourgeoisie Replacement – I’m there to take some loser doc’s place
  • Anti- Guarantee Weapons Emplacement – Installing the Sarah Palin/Glenn Beck Medical Death Panel

I wonder if they have a sense of humor in the Operating Theater?

Hope I get one of those nifty new scans… to explain the unexpected side effect of the Nutrisystem “food.”

Total Knee Replacement: The Saga Begins

Okeedokee, after being told a decade ago I probably needed (resisted urge to spell that kneaded)  to have my left knee totally replaced, I’m doing it, with the help of Dr. Patton.

I was fifty when I had the first prognosis from Dr. Patton so getting a total knee replacement seemed stupid.

Actually I was told many many decades ago that I would probably have a “highly arthritic” knee as the result of a car wreck.

Which reminds me of a clever word play my Mother told be.

Bruises hurt, Erased afford.  Erector, anaylsis too. Infectious dead. (Click to translate.)
She taught me this probably at the same time she taught me the lyrics to Mairzy Doats – on a very long road trip:

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Total knee replacements didn’t even exist back then.  My option then would have been a peg leg. Which of course, is way cooler. I would like a peg leg, wooden shoe?

totalkneereplacement

I put off the knee replacement surgery by getting injected with some junk made out of cock’s comb for years.

It’s what the bone cutter recommended. (Little did he know my high ratio of pain to dollars.) He told me that I should put off the surgery as long as possible because if I had it done five years ago and lived until 116, I probably would have to have it done again. The longer I can keep the old joint and not suffer, the better off I would be.

But no more. Knee pain is keeping me from my precious sleep. Well that, and a dog that thinks I’m it’s leaning post, and another one that recently decided a midnight pee is desirable.

I will go under the knife soon and my old joint will be replaced with a new one. Gotta be a marijuana joke there someplace… comment if you have one.

I pondered the surgery and wondered aloud, “if you can have a baby with just a spinal block, why can’t I have my knee replaced with a spinal block?”

Nancy gave a cogent answer, which is rare with all the drugs she is ingesting lately.

“Do you really want to hear them fire up the bone saw?”

Uh, no.

And now… the words every blog reader hates to read: I’ll keep you posted on my surgery.