The Line Up
Crime scene: Our house, living room, end table between recliner and front windows.
Crime: Broken lamp.
The suspects: (l to r)
- Description: Formerly male. One year old, Cairn Terrier mix, 20 lbs, brown eyes, grey and brown and black hair. Always unkempt appearance, high energy, always the first to instigate trouble. Previous whereabouts: Raised on streets of Nashville. Apprehended at shelter adoption six months ago. Aliases: aka: The Disturber, Terrorist, The Disturbster, Rock Star. Previous offenses: peeing and pooping in the house, eating wicker plate holders, releasing fiberfill from stuffed toys, eating tennis balls, barking at his shadow.
- Description: Formerly male. Six years old, Shih-Tzu, 22 lbs., brown eyes, brown and white hair. Previous whereabouts: rural Georgia. Apprehended through Petfinder, adopted four years ago. Aliases: aka: The Lump, Boliver. Previous offenses: peeing and pooping in house, hogging the bed, releasing fiberfill from stuffed toys, howling like a hound dog. NOTE: has exhibited violent behavior (biting) immediately after adoption.
- Description: Formerly female. Five years old, Lab/Border Collie mix, 65 lbs., brown eyes, blond and white hair. Previous whereabouts: local. Apprehended at shelter adoption 4 1/2 years ago. Aliases: aka: Queenie, Doner, Slobonia. Previous offenses: snarling at other canines in vicinity. Ferocious bark if stranger approaches.
- Look at that face – could she break a lamp? Actually her size eliminated her from being a dog of interest.
Sedona – too large to get on end table, never observed making an attempt to get on end table. Was crated at time of crime. Dismissed
Derby – most likely suspect – certainly observed many times on the end table as well as the back of the recliner, dining room table, etc. Was crated at time of crime. Dismissed.
Oliver – most unlikely suspect – the Lump usually never moves from couch when humans not present (or when they are.) However, has been observed with front paws on end table when mailman comes to door. Has no viable alibi.
Recommendation: Buy a new lamp. Dismiss case because none of our precious beautiful little doggie-doo’s would do anything on purpose.