Soon-to-be-President Cheney looks at the instrument that will be shoved up President Bush’s hiney tomorrow at 2 p.m. EST. to look for weapons of mass.

“M’ass is fine,” the President is quoted as saying during a private mass. “If they find a mass in m’ass, we will invade. “I’m confident that the American people will stand behind my hiney while m’ass if a mass is exposed.”

The procedure will not be performed by Scott Baio because he is too busy hunting for another kind of bootay.

President George W. Bush will undergo a “routine” colonoscopy tomorrow, White House spokesman Tony Snow said. Bush will cede presidential powers temporarily to Vice President Dick Cheney while “under the effects of anesthesia” during the procedure at Camp David, Snow said.

It is hoped that doctors and advisers will be able to tell when the President is fully under the effect of anesthesia. It is expected that Bush will not make the same mistake as before and display a large Mission Accomplished after the weapons of m’ass mass inspection is over.

UPDATE: The next in line for the presidency? Senator Byrd of VA. who by the way is against dog fighting. With him leading the Senate and perhaps the country, we will certainly all safe in the knowledge that he is against dogfighting. Watch the first two minutes of this stirring oratory