We had a boat once when I was growing up. It was fourteen feet long wooden boat powered by a 30 horsepower Evinrude motor. Mother decided one day it needed a name, so she took paint brush in hand and christened it “Cassie” after herself!

MentalFloss.com has been chattering about naming kids, and Becky last night challenged readers to come up with boat names. I dropped a few in her comments and then went to bed. I added the imaginary owner’s name or job for effect.

• Keeping Current – Brian Williams
• Anchor’s Away – Charles Gibson
• Sputumus Dictumus – Katie Couric
• Hire Authority – Monster.com founder
• Prop or Tee – marina and golf course developer

As far as consulting goes, a found a site called namethatboat.com to be helpful if staggering.

I didn’t check the website to see if any of these were there, they probably are, but the number of names of boats on that site is definitely staggering. I definitely will not read MentalFloss.com before going to bed again. I laid there listening to Letterman with names of boats going through my mind.

I hope I can remember most of them. But in the hot glare of the morning sun, compared the foggy haze before sleep, they probably are pretty lame.

When I free associate things get a little weird, so if I offend anyone, I apologize in advance. I know better, but sometimes my version of Tourrette Syndrome sets in. (BTW I didn’t realize until just recently that it’s Down Syndrome, not Downs Syndrome, so I looked up Tourette and it’s the same deal.) Here’s another random thought, Shia LaBeouf (the Transformer star) sounds like describing a naked girl. See what I mean? Weird.

So here are more of my names for boats of all kinds:

• Please reboat – Paul Allen, Microsoft, (it’s really called the Octopus – check out this boat.) I actually saw this boat up close when it was docked in New Orleans.
• Cea [SIC] – Ben Bradley, Washington Post Editor
• Makes Scents – Chanel
• Non Cents – Trump
• Oar House – D.C. Madam
• Come Aboard – Heidi Fleiss
• Prime Jib – Butcher’s Sailboat
• Sea Floater – Optometrist
• Omar’s God – Allah.
• Victory of De Feet – Nike guy

Add yours in the comments, I may come back with more later.

More: (oops, changed the order, you get the idea.)

• Craig Newmark – Listing
• Starbux guy – A Wake
• Posh Spice – All Hands On Beck
• Don King – King’s Transom
• Howard Stern – Stern
• Kelly Ripa – Breezy Does It
• Bartender’s Sailboat – Make It A Draft
• William Hung – Hokey Karaoke
• Melvin & Colleen – Mel ‘n’ Colleen’s Baby

UPDATE:

I’ll tell you what’s in a name: money, that’s what—at least according to the Wall Street Journal, which recently ran a story on baby-name consultants who are popping up across the country and getting around $500 a pop to come up with just the right name for your little one. Can you believe that malarkey folks? $500!

I am now offering my boat-naming services for $1000 a pop. After all you only have one chance to get a boat name right. As long as she can squirt out the munchkins, you will have lots of chances with kid’s names.