Squirrels are malaria ridden, tuberculois carrying, flea infested, SARS infected rodents.
We have a bird feeder right just three feet outside where I’m sitting. The rodents try to eat there. No way rodent. Those seeds are for the birdies. The weight causes a cover to slide over the openings. Get your meal elsewhere, rodent. Varmint.
Today, I happened to be helping meanteacher with some blog ideas, when one of those $!!%#@$%$! rodents decides to climb up look me in the eye and try to get some free food.
I immediately went into DefCon One. Ripping off my suit and tie (yes I always dress up on Saturday morning) and lunging into my camos, I screamed DefCon ONE!!! and my wife sprung into action. By the time I got up from the fall caused by tripping over my camo pants, she had the car backed out and the top town.
I grabbed my indefagable (can I say that?) five iron and did a good ole boy leap into the passenger seat. She layed rubber and we were off to chase down this varmint, this plague carrying critter, the curse of all mankind.
I’m standing on the seat and hanging on to the windshield and yelling Geronimooooooooo, and the little rat ran right down the middle of the street. She only had to drive with one wheel in the neighbors yards to give me a good clean swing.
It was a marvelous swing. I lead him perfectly, guessing that he would make a dodge left at the last moment. The thud of my five iron against his putrid little skull was music to my ears.
So the world is now has one less … !!*&%!!#$% there’s another one.
Exactly 14 squirrels were arrested on the outskirts of the Iranian border on suspicion of being British spies.