Comparing the American Express Black vs the Kroger Black

I’m torn, Jessica Simpson stopped by to bring back my Amex Black Card. I almost said she could have it and I would just use my Kroger Black from now on.

It’s darn tough to get either one as the is offer is by invitation. The charges include:

• $250,000 or more a year to AMEX/ $1000 or more in M&M’s to Kroger

• $5,000 initiation fee/ Indentured servitude to Kroger CEO for 365 days

• $2,500 annual Fee / one weekend a month as cart jockey

Benefits to Amex vs Kroger (Kroger is in bold):

Since I dropped out of the 2-20 Club, a person in the possession of AMEX black card or Kroger Black is eligible to a range of facilities and benefits.

• Each card has a different limit that is based on the income of the individual. / Limit is based on the size of your trailer and number of hunting licenses you hold.
•  The most expensive purchase known till the date on a black card is of a $30M private jet./ Most expensive purchase known to date is 12’x20′ duck blind on Lake Cooter with silk camos included
• 24 hr personal concierge/ 24 hour contraceptive
• Private shopping service. Tiffany’s offers private shopping for Black Card customers/ Big Lots offers same
• Invitations for unusual events, viz. a round of golf with Tiger Woods/ Hot Wings at Hooters with Larry the Cable Guy
• Free hotel stays and access to airport clubs/Free Parking for fifth wheels at any Waffle House, access to Priority Club Showers at all Flying J Truck Stops
• International emergency health care/ Women in every state welcome stations will kiss your boo-boo and make it better.

List of known Cardholders:

Some of the names on the list of Amex include Denzel Washington, Halle Berry, Noel Gallagher, Janet Jackson, Lindsay Lohan, Beyonce Knowles, and Jessica Simpson.

Some of the names on the Kroger list include Cherri Popper, Juan Honlo, Devine, John Smith, Insert Name Here, Rosie O’Donnell, and James Earl Carter.

Whaddya think?