My best half keeps telling me somewhere back in her family tree she was related to Pocahontas. Since her grandfather was Ben Smith, who am I to argue? I encourage her to find out, I want some of that Native American treaty money the gummit gives away.

But she just isn’t motivated.

I never could top her story. I didn’t know of any extended family members with a good story attached.

Until today.

I am related to a guy that killed his girlfriend and fed her to his dogs.

My source is irrefutable. It’s a person I have never met or set eyes on. It is another blogger. I found her through another blogger. My CSI skills allowed me to establish that she lives just six miles from where I grew up.

After we exchanged emails, Janna asked me if I had ever killed my girlfriend and fed them to my dogs. Janna is not a subtle blogger!

I said no.

She didn’t believe me, she had to ask her Mom.

Her mom told her it the murder’s name was Jeff Same-Last-Name-As Mine-And-Not-Really-That-Common-Especially-In-Tiny-Towns.

As far as she knows I am not that same man. bwahahahaha.

Cousin Jeff killed his girlfriend in the mid-90’s Janna tells me. He was so proud of his work, he told all his buddies. I guess they made the dogs purge up enough DNA they could make a case. Or maybe it was her locket in the dog poop, I’m not sure.

Being a total skeptic, I wasn’t convinced until she cited a second source (other than her mother.)

She said it was in the National Enquirer. And Janna said “I swear it’s true.”

Take that Best Half. I gots me a killer to talk about. A killer dog-lover too.