Here’s Why the Fart Filter Was Never Marketed
Footnoted for your reading pleasure. When is the last time you read a footnoted blog post anyway?
If U.S. Patent 6313371 had found it’s way to market, young boys and their grandfathers would never be as close. (1) Young men would have less one less talent to outdo their peers. (2) Road trips would be more boring. (3) Plausible deniability would never enter into a domestic dialogue (4)
U.S. Patent 6313371 is a Flatulence Filter. A Gas Grabber. A Smell Stopper.
(Pictured: The Gore Greenhouse DeEmissioner)
Of course there is a huge market for this – on mass transit, on school buses, in any closed vehicle in the dead of winter, in bed with a sheet flapper, anyplace guys gather in groups of three or larger, and on and on…
Patents have to be very specific lest they leave a loop-hole open for competitors. For example, they make clear this is product is not to be put over the mouth.
This “non-intrusive” pad is taped to the “inside [of your] briefs or panties in the anal area” where it works to neutralize the malodorous effects…
Think your gas (or somebody else’s) is worse than a “devil’s fart (pumpernickel)? Fuggitaboudit. This reverse sanitary napkin is:
“Activated charcoal cloth [was] originally developed by the British Chemical Defense Establishment of the Ministry of Defense as a highly efficient filter medium for protection against nerve gas and other highly toxic vapors which might be used in chemical warfare.”
You got it: this AssPad, ButtBlossom, AnalSilencer, whatever, can make toxic gas smell as sweet as sugar pie on the fourth of July.
Now you know why the men in charge have stopped development, manufacturing and marketing of such a viable and useful product.
- (1) “Pull my finger”
- (2) “Let’s light farts.”
- (3) “Did you hit a skunk?”
- (4) “Wasn’t me, it was the dog.”
Also for Humor-Blogs.com
Can they find a way to attach it to a dog’s butt? That would be useful around here. Then again maybe some people would just stop blaming the dog. 🙂
Well, no there is an idea! I’m sure your dog wouldn’t mind at all!
Remember the big hoohah about the amount of methane that cows contribute to the atmosphere? How about taping them to cattle? Oh! But then how would the cow sh*t?
How timely. I was just discussing this subject with my son, who takes farting to a higher level than most people. I believe he was working on some kind of Opus or Symphony of some kind today….totally for my amusement. Oh….and never once does he consider the aromas that may accompany his musical concert. This may be very helpful. I’m making a copy right now. Thanks Mark….Happy T-Day to you and your family….you crazy guy….
@Cheryl: you bring up an interesting problem, how about the solution?
@Joy: No, not YOUR son! I bet you could whip up a prototype this evening.
The first business in the world to make fart filters is Perfect Air in Burton MI. Copywrited the fart filter as a real working “3-Dimensional Art Sculpture Copyright Ronald E. Cobb 1991. The first machined made fart filters in the world were made by Perfect Air in Coptyrightted Ronald E. Cobb 1995 and are a master piece of art and are on sale at five-hundred dollats a pack. There are three different packs copyrighted and numbers left are limited. Write Perfecr Air P. O. bgox 1016 Fento MI 48430 to get the fart filters made in 1995. The are a sure strip typ that go in to the back of you’re ubder ware and you throw them away after used. And put on a new one in the morning.
This post is about the Flatulence Deodorizer by Flat-D Innovations or flat-d.com They make the activated charcoal cloth pad that is placed in the underwear next to the buttocks. IT really works and is doctor recommended and FDA registered. Check it out at http://www.flat-d.com