Dancing with the Stars for the HGH crowd is back on NBC: American Gladiators!
It’s basically the same program that when off the air ten years ago, except the Gladiators have ‘Roid Rage. In the good old days, they used to love on the contestants after they completed a segment. If the contestant made it past the Gladiator, it was all gropes and smooches.
Now, the Gladiators are infuriated if they look “bad”.
The exciting news is NBC put out a casting call for new Gladiators. I can’t dance – so that reality show is out. I can’t sing – so that reality show is out. I’m afraid of bugs – so that knocks that reality show out. I’m afraid of driving on the opposite side of the road, so that show is out. I’m married – and that knocks out the rest of the reality shows. I could get arrested, I guess, but I don’t think you get paid for that reality show.
That leaves American Gladiator. I’ll be starting those HGH shots sooner than I thought. I need to bulk up a little.
Then I need an American Gladiator name! Some of the current ones are:
- Mustard Gas
- Going Like Slimy
- Mr. Fenster
- Mass Infarction
- Toxic Timmy
Obviously I need help. I have a while to bulk up (I think I’ll substitute milkshakes and M&M’s for the HGH, but I do need a great American Gladiator name pretty quickly.