What is it about Wine Club?
When I wrote over the weekend about our wine drinking I heard from a wine fan. Earlier I had written about Oliver wine and heard from another wine fan. Today I read a romantic post about the images drinking a glass of wine conjured up in the mind of the drinker.
I didn’t link to any of these people because I am not putting them down, but it does make me wonder.
Are these people totally nuts?
Even to expand that, are all wine drinkers totally nuts?
I think the U.S. Wine Club is too exclusive. It is keeping people from drinking more wine. More wine is good. More good wine is good. Good wine is up to you.
But because the U.S. Wine Club requirements for membership are so stringent, it keeps a lot of people out.
Here are some of the hidden requirements that the U.S. Wine Club has established. They don’t tell you this because the U.S. Wine Club is like Fight Club. It’s a LOT like Fight Club.
I’m not a member of the U.S. Wine Club, but I can extrapolate some facts from common sense.
- It has to be old to be good. Obviously that applies to people, but not always to wine. Old wine is sometimes vinegar.
- Spend more to get quality. From the movies, I know that this applies to hookers, but an inexpensive wine can be very good.
- Good wine has a bottle that has is corked. Some of the best people I know are screwy.
- Smell the cork to know the quality of the wine. I bet Bill Gates smells good. And Bill Gates is a Prick.
- Good legs (the streaks on the inside of the glass) indicate a good wine. More likely it just indicates you didn’t wash the glasses according to U.S. Wine Club standards.
There’s more, but you get the idea. I’m not faulting those who have made a hobby of learning everything about wines they can possibly absorb. The only problem I run into is that they always want to share their knowledge.
Here’s a test, next time you are in a casual group of people restaurant that has a wine list pick up the wine list and study it. I gar-on-tee, there will be somebody who will be a member of the U.S. Wine Club that will notice and take over the conversation.
You have my permission to ask them if they are a member of the U.S. Wine Club.
If they say no, you are golden. Give them a look that will indicate you are. Say something like “Oh, I didn’t know you were a member of the U.S. Wine Club too!”
If they say yes, then ask if they are a member of Fight Club. If they say “no,” calmly go to where the person is sitting and slug him in the face.
First rule of Wine Club. Don’t talk about Wine Club.
Second rule of Wine Club: Drink more wine before the cops come.