The asteroid is 24 hours closer to making Columbus wrong. Whammo is negotiating furiously to call the new planet Frisboid.

Meanwhile, here are some more things I think you need to know:

• Constitutional Nutritionists have the same training as astrophysicists. If you don’t like their thoughts, they tell you to “eat me.”
• Among institutional financial investors and anal-cysts, Monday stock markets will open mixed with a slight downward bias. Potential for a head and shoulders technical chart will be offset by a giant f*cking explosion of Dylan Ratigan.
• General Ivan Win lost his only battle. It was during the ivory wars in Nova Scotia, he lost because he forgot to set his watch back 30 minutes for daylight saving time.
• The Dixie Chicks have guts.
• Jet fuel cannot be reformulate to smell like lilacs. Chanel was close to getting it to smell like feet, but suspended testing.