My Fear of Being Eaten by a Fish Just Got A Lot Worse
When I swim in a lake, I have to admit that the thought occurs to me that a fish might bite me. Jumping into green water where I can’t see more than a inch below the surface just puts the thought in my mind that there might be some huge catfish that doesn’t know not to eat humans.
Ocean? Forget it. I used to swim, but now I wade. The movie Jaws had nothing to do with it. The fact that my daughter got stung by a ray had nothing to do with it. I just decided my time was coming.
Now I have a pure and legitimate fear of any body of water that is not chlorinated.
This is Sid Fishious. (not life size – click pic)
It was caught in an English river – close enough for me. Here’s your “holy shit – look at this” moment: it eats people – and will chase you out of the water and remain in pursuit for four days. It’s two friggin’ feet long for chrissake, and it can grow to 3 feet and 4o pounds.
Here is the official EPA response:
“The reaction was, ‘Oh shit’. This is the ultimate invasive species — if it starts breeding here it’s a disaster.”
Ya’ think?
UPDATE: Day-am THEY’RE HERE.
Snakeheads are sold in the U.S. both as food in Asian markets and as pets, being prized for their hardiness and aggressive habits. A six-inch snakehead that costs $7 will eventually eat up to $8 of goldfish a day.
You’ve convinced me! I’m staying on dry land too! That is one mean looking fish.
YIKES! Sid is disgusting…scary and disgusting. I’ll be sitting right along side of you on the sand Mark. He might as well be the shark in Jaws….Oh my God….he’s frightening!!
Snakeheads have been spreading in the United States for nearly ten years. I remember blogging about these at least five years ago when they started WALKING OUT OF THE WATER to get to new places to live.
Yes, that’s right — these suckers WALK ON THE LAND. There is no escape for you now.
Oh yeah, I have heard of these. Southeast Asia is crawling with things intent upon killing you — too bad they’ve found their way to the UK.
I will have to tell Sam about this, though. He’s all about fearsome creatures and would be completely intrigued by the “walking on land” bit. He has already asked me if spiders can fly (he’s convinced every house spider is a black widow), so walking fish would surely ignite his twisted imagination.
@ Edna: See? Living in the middle of nowhere does have advantages.
@ Joy: I think sand would be safe. I bet they don’t do well on land. I can’t run with flippers on, so I’m extrapolating the risk as low to moderate.
@ Brian: WHAT? They are HERE? WTF? Link please!
@Gretchen: How about the fact that the fish could eat him? That will probably make Matt’s day too: “I’ll feed you to the fish.”
I do remember some mention of snakeheads in the U.S., but it’s illegal to possess them in Kentucky, if that’s any comfort.
Matt frequently threatens Sam with death, so I doubt it would faze him much.
That is just all wrong. How did the crustaceous period NOT kill all those REALLY ICKY gross things like this?
I would die twice and puke if something like that even came near me.
Wait. THESE FUCKERS WALK ON LAND? ARE THEY IN TEXAS? Holy fucking crap!!!!!
@Gretchen: Making them illegal in KY makes them highly desirable. Death by fish, tho?
@The Absurdist: These are a product of nuking Japan during WWII and then using Agent Orange in Vietnam War. I have documents. LOL on dying and then puking.
@The Absurdist: Hell yeah, the are boot scootin’ but Texas doesn’t have any lakes right?
Actually, I just had fish for lunch and thought of you. Perhaps they’re in it for payback? The Avenging Angels of the fish community?
@Gretchen: Is it still lent?
Wow! That’s the ugliest, meanest looking fish I’ve ever seen. He looks like he as soon eat your leg as look at you. Down boy.
Nice post. I’ll be stopping by again. Meanwhile, feel free to pay me a visit.
Have a nice day.
@Swubird: Thanks and welcome. I’ll come see ya.
Dude, it is SO Lent — Ash Wednesday was not even two weeks ago! It ends with Easter, March 23. But even if I eat fish for Lent, I daren’t eat that fish, as he’d certainly eat me back. Probably in a particularly painful and gruesome manner, too.
Two words: ugly mutha
@Gretchen: I knew lent had something to do with Jesus! 🙂
@Winston: Hey, no flames allowed on this site – oh, flames, grilled fish. Never mind.
Here is where I first learned about snakeheads (the webpage is dated from 2002 with a later update in 2004):
http://www.csa.com/discoveryguides/snakehead/overview.php
This site says they can be found in 13 states in the Eastern U.S. (link goes to a PDF):
http://fisc.er.usgs.gov/Snakehead_circ_1251/fs2004_3074_cunningham.pdf
@Brian: Kewl, thanks for the follow up. Makes me even more leery of a murky lake!
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??Professional technicians and specialized facilities will ensure the breeding, feeding and improvement of Chinese Doctor Fish and Garra Rufa. Moreover, technical consultancy, direction and training for the clients are also available.
??We will use air-express to deliver the fish, which will ensure that our clients receive the fish in the shortest time while at the lowest death rate, and that the fish can get used to the new places and serve their customers as soon as possible. At the same time, we will provide necessary materials for our clients to learn and master the basic knowledge of Chinese Doctor Fish and Garra Rufa, in the hope of better and longer service. After the confirmation of purchasing and payment, we will deliver the fish to the client in five work ing days and offer related technical direction and consultancy. The affairs related to exportation and Customs clearance must be well negotiated befo re payment.
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