My very good friend Ron Pee has struck a gold mine. He’s always been very lucky his whole life. His parent’s told me he was conceived on a bed of four leaf dandelions. His luck continued throughout his life because he always did just the right thing:
He has been rewarded over and over because of his good luck. He had ocean front property where the Exxon Valdez belched. He was hit by a lottery truck. He caught the bouquet at my daughter’s wedding. The trademark on “April Madness” AND “Final Three” belong to him. The lucky Montreal even snagged the domain name Guugle.com.
How could I be surprised when he discovered a freak from Post Cereal that will put him in the lap of luxury – or a luxurious lap dance.
Ron is a graduate Southern Illinois University, so he is a morbidly obese fan of the University of Illinois. He even moved to St. Louis from Carbondale, Illinois so he could watch the U of I PBS channel. He loves his food. His Mom often said “eat the peanuts out of my shit.” Ron is the ultimate feudie.
Here’s the deal:
Ron has amassed some amazing improbobobilities of phoodom:
Ron has them on eBay now because he wants to share with the world his good fortune. This is so like Ron. I remember when he shared his Lou Gehrig’s Disease with the Little League team he coached.
Even more remarkable: If you squint your eyes, use your imagination and drink a lot of bourbon, you can see the likeness of the Virgin Mary in the Wyoming waffle, and Jesus doing “the Hustle” in the Colorado one.
This isn’t some silly corn flake shaped like the Land of Lincoln. This is an honest-to-goodness edible improbablity!!
Alas and Outback, Ron’s proudest possession is not for sale. He sent me a picture of his phelgm that contained a red pearl in the shape of Donna Splutch. Thank God he didn’t lose it in the bloody stool.