Just for giggles, I decided to steal from The Boomer Chronicles spin on the AARP Top Ten Places to Live in America:
She put her thoughts in bold (heh, typo originally wrote blod – Blod the Impaler, I’m now blodding… anyhoo…) so I put my thoughts in italic.
1. Ann Arbor, Mich.: Fully 86 percent of residents exercise daily and the city boasts 580 physicians per 100,000 people, compared to the U.S. average of 223. Too darned cold. Too darn liberal. Home of the University of Michigan, fer chrissakes.
2. Honolulu: An impressive 95 percent of residents are covered by health insurance; residents spend more time exercising than almost any other city surveyed. Too darned hot and too expensive. Just another big city filled with Asians.
3. Madison, Wisc.: Residents have low rates of diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Wicked cold in winter. I won’t worship Our Lord and Savior, Brett Favre
4. Santa Fe, N.M.: The city ranked No. 2 in the U.S. in air quality by the American Lung Association; the rates of diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol are among the lowest in the country. Too deserty. Not enough green trees. Too Dry, my tender skin needs the moisture and my boogers get like concrete.
5. Fargo, N.D.: Ranks No. 9 in the nation for regular flossing and brushing [Gee whiz]; it has one of the best air-quality-index scores, and it uses biodiesel fuel to power its transit buses. They made a scary movie about this town. One of the best movies of all time, but winter is forever.
6. Boulder, Colo.: This is one of the nation’s healthiest cities with extremely low rates of smoking and obesity (BMI of 24.94). Too much snow. Snow is OK, it’s the crappy slush that follows.
7. Charlottesville, Va.: Ranks among the top ten cities for family-practice doctors, oncologists and cardiologists, and it ranks fourth among U.S. metropolitan areas in the number of physicians per capita. Too Republican. Too hillbilly.
8. Minneapolis-St. Paul: Residents rank among the top 10 in the country for share of residents who exercise regularly and the state is No. 1 in the nation for the overall quality of its healthcare by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. Cute, but boring. I hate hypens
9. San Francisco Bay Area: Residents are among the least likely to be overweight and smoke, plus the city offers free or subsidized health care to uninsured residents. Too much fog. Hills, big friggin’ hills.
10. Naples-Marco Island, Fla.: Residents received very high scores for regular exercise, healthy eating and not smoking; the area has one of the lowest cancer mortality rates in the country. Too humid. Too many plastic people waiting to die