Nancy said she wanted a laptop so she could sit in the living room and watch television and compute like I do. Now she usually is knitting while “watching” (listening) to television, so I guess she will be either: knitting with her toes or computing with her toes.

I have a saying, when Nancy says something out loud, it will happen. She can think about it and it won’t happen but if she actually says it. Done deal.

So we bought another laptop today. Why is buying a laptop such a hassle? Especially since I when I found the one I wanted advertised today? Actually she found it, but it was one we had talked about buying.

She found it at 5:30, called the store, they had five in stock, closing at 6:00. No prob.

I fished my wallet out of the washing machine, grabbed my credit card and driver’s license and off to Big Box Office store.

Enter store at 5:35. I’ll stop twice at all the stop signs then next time.

Two Officers Despots (OD) were hanging by the computers so I got waited on immediately. I showed OD1 the ad and the computer I wanted. OD1 booted OD2 off the computer he was on and looked up the stock number.

• Sorry, we are sold out.

I whined “but my wife just called and was told you had five in stock.”

OD1 took number from computer displayed on the shelf.

• OD1 “Sometimes the stock number in the ad is wrong, we have five in stock. Do you want to buy one?”

Yes.

• OD1 mumbles “I’ll get it” and walks away.

Thanks.

• OD1 spotted carrying printer and chatting with other customer. Oh, “OD3 will get that for you.”

Thanks. (OD3 was helping another customer)

• OD1 says OD3 has my computer at the service desk.

Thanks. Will this computer work wireless with this router? (I point to router like we have at home.)

• “No, not very well. You have n, this computer works best with b or g.”

Thanks. So is there a way to make it work?

• OD1 points to $69 gizmo or $99 thingamajig. “These will help, but sometimes n works OK, it just depends on what you expect. Some people are satisfied with the performance.”

Thanks. I’ll wait and see if I’m satisfied. (walk to service desk)

• OD3, ready to check out?

Yes. Hand over wet credit card and driver’s license.

• OD3 tells me there is a $100 mail in rebate.

Yes, I know. Will you please make sure I have all the receipts I need? And an extra one in case I need to return the computer?

• OD3, “oh well, you have to wait 14 days to mail in your rebate because if you have to return the computer the bar code must be intact. We can’t take it back if the computer isn’t complete.”

Thanks, when does the rebate expire?

• (shows me receipt) “See, it says right here, Rebate must be postmarked by October 18.”

Today is September 21, so when can I send in the rebate form?

• Counting on her fingers and saying days out loud,” October 5″

Would you please write that on the receipt?

• “Sure”

Walk out of store with new computer at 5:55

6:10 (I had to pee when I got home)  I started “the process.” In about five minutes I had it unboxed and found the power switch and pushed it.

8:00 computer is updated and ready to use.

Nancy: “if you just bought the computer, why does it have to be updated?

Bill Gates is a Prick.