Life isn’t fair. I can accept that under most circumstances. I have a choice on where I live. But Election Day isn’t one of those times when I should get penalized for choosing to live in Smallburg, KY.

If you show up with your “I Voted!” sticker at any participating Krispy Kreme, they’ll give you a free red, white, and blue donut. Take the same sticker to any Ben & Jerry’s between 5-8pm and you’ll get a free scoop of ice cream. Then if you’re still not satisfied, head on over to Shane’s Rib Shack…

I can’t get these freebies!
Why can’t I get free stuff for voting? Isn’t this anti-American? Depending on where you live you get free stuff because you voted? WTF? Didn’t the Voting Rights Act of 1963 negate this kind of discrimination?

I can’t get free stuff because we don’t have Krispy Kreme, Ben & Jerry’s or Shane’s. Discrimination I say. Unfair. Anti-Smallburg in many states, not just Kentucky. I should be able to vote in a precinct that would allow me to enjoy my freedom to get freebies. I may petition for a change of venue.

The elections supervisor in Pascoe County, Fla., says a request for a naked polling place at a local nudist colony is probably a publicity stunt.

Hell’s Bells. If I lived in Harris County, Texas, I could get a free toilet plunger.

Harris County Commissioner Steve Radack announced today he has purchased over 1,000 plungers for use at polling places on Tuesday. He is encouraging people across the nation to take a plunger with them Tuesday in support of Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher.

Aside to Commissioner Radack: Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher isn’t on the ballot.

Vote Tuesday? What’s in it for me?

Ah ha! This just in: Chick-Fil-A and Starbucks are on the free food bandwagon. Free chicken sandwich and free tall cuppa.

That’s OK, but this is better:

• Donut (Krispy Kreme)
• Chicken tenders (Shanes)
• Fries (Shanes)
• Small Coke (Shanes)
• Ice Cream (Ben & Jerry’s)

AND

• Chicken sandwich (Chick-Fil-A)
• Tall Coffee (Starbucks)

I hope you can reap the benefits of this great republic and cash in with ALL the freebies on Election Day. Just remember the sacrifices some of us have to make. Somebody has to live in Smallburg!

Enjoy your freedoms!

UPDATE: Free Sex Toys at Babeland. Free Beer in Baltimore.

UPDATE 2: Free Coffee at Books a Million; California Tortilla, free taco; Daily Grill, free appetizer; tatoo removal, New Look.

*Ahem*  none of which have a location IN MY BURG.

UPDATE 3: Haiku

Everybody
gets free shit for casting vote.
Except in my town.

Yes, there are five syllables in Eh-ve-re-bod-dee! neener.

UPDATE 4: Starbucks found out that giving away stuff just to voters is illegal. Now anybody that lives in GA can have a free cuppa.