January. It’s sometimes cold in January. Cold is relative. If it’s 45 degrees on South Beach it’s cold, if it’s -45 in Hibbing, Minnesota, it’s cold. It’s cold, I heard it on the weather. I heard it on the news. I heard it on the sports. I heard it at the drive-through. I heard it taking off my coat. I heard it at the urinal.
With respect to Johnny Carson, the master of the multiple answers to single question schtick.
How Cold Is It? It’s so cold…
- I had to chisel the dog off the flagpole
- I broke the smoke off our chimney
- I left the fridge door open to warm up this morning
- my false teeth were chattering and they were still in the glass
- I’m looking forward to getting a fever
- I’m flicking my Bics in my pocket
- my balls have became ovaries
- my car won’t start running and my nose won’t stop
- the rock rattling around in my shoe is my big toe
- the steam off of my head created a war between two Indian villages
- I only had time to pee “60” in the snow
- I chopped up the piano to get wood – only got two chords
- Rush Limbaugh was the hottest air in my car
How cold is it at your house? Not the temperature… give me an analogy, please.