We’re shopping for a new TeeVee.  SIL – St. Todd De Cubbville, the Chief of Photography of a major metropolitan television station, and co-founder of Dogs With Cones, is going to help install it. All I have to do is fetch things. Mostly Miller beer for him.

He found what he thinks we need.

Nine feet of TeeVee.

I need more than a sizeable tax refund and The Fresh President stimulus package. I need a Octopussy type website to raise that kind of money.

OR, we could run dirty movies and charge the neighbors kids to watch. We do have a window – actually it’s two windows side by side, that are nine feet diagonally. I could face the TeeVee toward the backyard and not be bothered by the the little pervs.

I would have some “short subjects” for the short pervs before the main feature, like in the olden days. We have tons of videotape of the kids and their sports activities. Hours of 6th and 7th grade volleyball and basketball. Hours of 13th birthday parties and 16th birthday parties and senior proms. Christmases, Thankgivings, Moving into College. All unedited.

I need to get those tapes converted to YouTube-able stuff. Classics.  I bought a radio controlled car and put the camcorder on the ground and raced the car around it and the dog turds.  Classic. Almost Epic. The turds looked like giant brown boulders. My daughter towed me behind Nancy’s Honda Spree on a boudoir chair with tiny metal wheels.

Of course we have every vacation we ever took for a decade on 3/4 inch videotape too.

I must say, I would make a great cinematographer. I shot home video before there was desktop editing. Planning was essential. I always had a opening title shot – often the front of a printed program or a sign.  My best opening shot was for Cancun 1988.  Title shot was me standing over Cancun 1988 written in  the white sand, with an empty bottle of Tequila next to it, garnished with seaweed.  10 seconds of title and then a wave came and washed it out.

Epic.

Classic.

Lucky.