I don’t want to be known as a sourpuss. Nancy yells at me all the time because I don’t say “thank you” to the Dairy Queen drive through person when they hand me my large chocolate milkshake and say “there you go.” I have yet to convince her that “there you go” 1. does not require a response, and 2. they don’t give a shit what I say.

I’m better at Target. As a matter of fact, I was down right giddy when two (2!) clerks asked if they could help me find something. Usually they just walk around with their walkie-talkies blaring out “Golden Security level nine” or “All available checkers to the front” or “I’ve looked in the warehouse and we’re out.” I was nice to them, I think I even smiled.

Saturday was free sample day at the liquor store. We had some other chores to run and we were headed home when I remembered the free samples. I made Nancy turn the car around and go back to the store.

Upon entering, the conversation went like this:
Geezer behind counter (GBC): Hi, may I help you find something?
Geezer on other side of counter (GOOSOC): Yes, where are the samples?
GBC: what?
GOOSOC: the free samples?
GBC: staples?
GOOSOC: no, you are having free samples today right?
Punk Behind Counter And GBC at the same time: yes, samples of wine, back, she is back there, with wine.
GOOSOC: what? (then I just followed where they pointed.)

I stopped and stared at the Bourbons. I made a mental note of some that I’ll give a go soon.

Nancy was admiring some fancy bottles, but eventually we made our way back to the wine tasting area. There were some chips and cheese so we helped ourselves. The sampler lady was busy, busy, busy – talking to one other couple. She ignored us. Never glanced our way.

Meh, didn’t need their free wine anyway so we left.

On the trip home I realized I was coming down with a cold and the local meth lab was out of Sudafed so we stopped at CVS.

I need Sudafed – the real stuff. Not Sudafed OTC. In Kentucky the meth makers have cornered the market on Sudafed and forced it behind the pharmacy counter. Because I was feeling crappy (lack of free wine) I asked the lonely pharmacist what he would recommend for a snot trickle giving me an itchy throat. He said Zyrtec.

After many minutes of looking over hundreds of boxes and bottles, I found Zyrtec which is an allergy medicine. I trudged back to the counter, asked lonely pharmacist if I understood him right. “This is for allergies,” said I. “I need something to make my nose run because if I don’t my sinus membranes swell and hang below my nostrils.”

I told him I used Sudafed in the past, was the good stuff still available? By this time, underpaid pharmacy tech was heading for the Sudafed lock box and got me what I needed.

I had to sign a release to buy the Sudafed. I have filled prescriptions for morphine drip without a release. I only bought one box. Because the cops can’t handle the meth makers, I have to sign a release? For one box?

I try to be nice, I know it makes me more attractive, but they keep fouling it up.