On the 4th of July, it only seems appropriate that I pay homage to Canada and wish them well in their efforts to win independence from the Crown. I am assured that they will  then have a coup in Mexico and move everybody but Quebec south of our border.

As in the U.S. it will take rebels, troublemakers, enablers, and lots of donuts. One if by Tim Horton’s, two if by Country Style.

What makes a Canadian a rebel? Aside from the fact that some live in Quebec?

How about this — you’re a Canadian rebel if you:

• pay for health care
• still love the Queen (0f England)
• are reading this and saying “damn straight!”
• agree that Prince Charles would make a bonny good auld King.
• eat poutine with extra gravy
• will travel to Detroit unarmed
• want Quebec to just Shut. Up.
• have seen a canoe or a moose
• think American humor is “funny as hell”
• will travel to Detroit without travel insurance
• still call July 1 “Dominion Day” (or that could make you a geezer)
• plaid!
• will travel to Detroit. period
• think icing is still against the rules
• still think this is funny: Just pretend you’re the Leafs’ goalie, let it go between your legs.