Nope, not talking about one of  my toileting habit euphemisms: ‘dropping a dwarf.’

I’m on a diet.

Nutrisystem.

My plan is to drop about 100 pounds. That will still put me 20 pounds more than when I got married.

I think today we both would have been classified as anorexic. Yes, we were both 13 when we married.

Two things have stopped me from dieting in the past. Food and exercise. Love one, hate the other.

But Nancy and I are now trying Nutrisystem.  Aside from the two reasons listed above, the really big reason we haven’t dieted is the fact that somebody has to prepare all that healthy food.  Our food choices have usually been “on the grill” or “in the crock pot.”

Nancy can cook. Makes a lot of tasty dishes. Too many to list. But her priorities have changed. I’m not complaining. I’m the one that couldn’t go past 8 o’clock without giant bowl of Moose Track flavor ice cream, with Hershey’s chocolate syrup and Baker’s semi-sweet chocolate chips or M & M’s on top.

Nutrisystem (and they are paying me for this) took chore out of eating better. The main part of every meal is provided: breakfast can be Nutrisystem oatmeal, or blueberry muffin, or some kind of breakfast bar. Lunch is a microwavable beans and ham, or chicken noodle soup, or a lunch bar. Dinner is a variety of meat and potatoes, pasta, even a itty-bitty pizza.

And there are SNACKS:  in the morning, dairy or fruit, but in the afternoon, and evening, the snacks can be cookies or brownies or chocolate caramel bar or someother “treat”.

All this is supplemented with a whole load of other food that is bought at the market. I love celery, cabbage and tomatoes and I can have unlimited, unlimited I say amounts of those. Other stuff is limited to 1/2 cup of this or that.

In case the Nutrisystem police are reading, the bread spread is made with olive oil. Still cheating, but bug off!

Shown: Pasta Fagioli, rye bread (carb), radishes, celery, tomatoes, olives (fat) and Diet Dr Pepper (unlimited diet drinks too.)

Of course my teeth will fall out from the sugar or be dark brown stained, and my blood pressure go up faster than Lindsay Lohan’s skirt, but I’ll deal with that later.

I just put in my order for next month’s shipment.  I cut out the salty “desserts.”  Yes, Nutrisystem thinks BBQ Soy Chips are a dessert. I asked for chocolate bars, chocolate brownies, and chocolate candy. So far, I’m eating more than I ever did. Used to skip breakfast, diet soda for lunch, big dinner and big snack every evening.

Stop. Before you fly to the comments to yell at me, don’t. I know. I know.

We’re finishing our first month of the Nutrisystem food, she’s down a dozen or so, I’m down about ten.

As far as the exercise, I’m marginal. I think I’m getting close to 20 minutes a day walking.

Of course, All Nutrisystem food appearing in this work, or referred do in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real food, living or dead, is purely coincidental.