Tiger Woods Apologizes. World Starts Spinning Again.
Whoa, that was close.
Because Tiger Wood’s cheated on his wife and then went into hiding, the world came perilously close to stopping.
Tiger Woods apologized for all the pain and suffering he has caused everybody. Including his Mama, his Nordic Combined, his babies, and his yet unborn babies, his dead dad, his dead Escalade, his dead tree, his dead endorsement deals from Accenture, Tag Heuer (which I think is pronounced Tag “whore”), and some other sponsor I forget…and more.
Tiger Woods is the center of our world. Oh wait, that would make Tiger Woods magma.
Tiger Woods is hot, but he is not magma.
ABC and NBC are live as Tiger Woods makes his first public statement in nearly three months. Robin Robertsand George Stephanopoulos anchoring for ABC. Katie Couric anchoring for CBS and Matt Lauer, from Vancouver, anchored NBC’s special report.
Woods did not take questions from the assembled press throng.
The cable news and business networks: CNN, CNBC, HLN, Fox News, Fox Business, and MSNBC are there. HLN is calling its special “Tiger Woods: Breaking his Silence” co-anchored by Mike Galanos and Jane Velez-Mitchell.
“Directly to the point there is no one to blame but me for the mess I have put my wife and family through. I accept total and complete responsibility. My wife and I have been trying to work things out but sadly things have not worked out.”
“We have decided to live apart with me having mutually agreed upon times when I can be with our children.”
If Tiger Woods is the universe, then his transgressions (yeah right) made a black hole that we were desperately spinning toward. Without Tiger Woods apology, global warming would have been the least of our worries. Global Anti-gravity would have been our problem.
Oh, anti-gravity, now that might have been fun for a couple days.
Tiger Woods apology screwed it up again.
If Tracy Morgan has it right, we will be hearing more from Tiger Woods.
“He got a billion dollars and only 14 women came forth? He should’ve had 114,” Morgan tells Esquire. He’s “got a billion dollars. I’m ready to give him some. I’d let him suck on one of these titties.”
Morgan wonders why we still even care about the sex scandal—
“What are we talkin’ about? Tiger. He’s a f-ing golfer. He’s just a f-ing golfer”— and Morgan was offended when Tiger “didn’t admit that he’s black,” he says. “Bullshit. Your father’s name is Earl. Woods. And he drove a white van. He’s black.” Think that’s tasteless? Good. “If I don’t offend somebody, then I’m probably not funny,”
Tiger Woods apology. The internet is ablaze.
Nice post. You made me laugh. But I will have to confirm some of your assertions. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can get a cup of magma and a cup of Tiger Woods.
.-= Larry Wallberg´s last blog pithThree Videos =-.
@Larry: OMG, a fact checker for a blog? Ohhhh nooooo. I wrote it last night. It’s just for the Google Juice. Glad you chuckled.
What a good post Mark. I feel the same way…’Let’s keep things in perspective here people….geesh’ You made me laugh….A LOT. Hugs, Joy
.-= Joy´s last blog pithPictures You Don’t See Everyday =-.
Tiger can fill every hole that’s the proof!
Tiger Woods is a very good golfer but his reputation as a cheating husband made him a bad character.:;’
Tiger Woods is great and golf and i guess she is also great in picking up women~`;