Tuesday I will be tested to see if I am qualified to be a head-counter, a body-counter, a census worker… a CENSER!

I filled out the practice test like I do most government forms, quickly and full of half-truths.

Like my 1040.

When I called to ask about the next testing session, I was told to bring two forms of identification:

1. Driver’s License
2. Social Security Card

Whuck?

It says right on the Social Security Card: Don’t Try To Use This To Buy Beer. It’s not an official identification card, so “they” say.

When I asked if my pass-a-porto would be acceptable, the worker had a slight orgasm. “Oh, Oh, Oh, you have a passport? Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Then I said “or I can bring my green card.”

Silence.

In case you want to try to get a job as a Census Worker – a Censer – here is the practice test. I got 67% correct, which probably qualifies me not only to be a human bean-counter, but may get me a tutor to.

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot,
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?”

I always had trouble with story problems when I was in school. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t get these right… I got tired of reading so I just guessed. I’m thinking on the real test, I’ll write in an answer. I’m pretty sure the exam-giver will be an ESL grad, so like this dude, I’ll do OK. I’ll get the answers right, just in an inappropriate way.

11. Census takers who visit homes to collect census information are called enumerators. They are told
to use any person who owns or rents the housing unit as the “reference person” and then to list the
relationship of every household member to the “reference person.” When an enumerator interviews
at 1105 Low Street, he talks to Mr. Sanchez. Mr. Sanchez says that both Mr. and Ms. Morales own
the house and all three are household members. Who should the census taker list as the reference
person?
The answer to question 11 is based on the information below.
A census taker is told to count only the following as living in a particular household:
• Family members living here, including babies still in the hospital
• Relatives living here
• Lodgers or boarders or hired hands living here
• Domestic employees or hired hands living here
• Other persons living here
• College students who stay here while attending college, even if their parents live elsewhere
• Persons who usually live here, but are temporarily away (including children in boarding school
below the college level, but excluding family members serving in the armed forces)
• Persons with a house elsewhere, but who stay here most of the week while working
In item 11, select the person the census taker would count as living in that household:
A) Either Mr. Morales or Ms. Morales
B) Mr. Morales
C) Ms. Morales
D) Mr. Sanchez

I answered A. I can’t remember if that was right or not. You can look it up if you want, the answers are on the bottom of the practice test.

What’s that got to do with being a Censor anyway? Doesn’t Google make all those decisions anyway?