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My Censor Training Involved NRFUs & Black Hand; I Gave Them the Fingers

Baby Boomer Going Like Sixty Posted on by

Today was my first day of training to track down and question Nar-foos.

NRFU is the census bureau acronym that was tossed around a little today, and promises to be used a lot tomorrow.

NRFU (Nar-foo) which means, as a government censor (census worker) I will be dealing with (pick one or more):

  • Non-Returnable Fuck Ups
  • Nipple Revealing Farm Urchins
  • Noteworthy Runaway Frigate Unions
  • Nuclear Ruptured Formal Ulcers
  • Noisy Refrigerator-Freak Ushers
  • Naughty Ringleader Fungible Udders
  • Non Responsive Follow Ups.

Yeah, boring. How I spent my day. 8:20 to 4:30 (started twenty minutes late – 90 minute lunch – two 30 minute breaks, typical? I think yes.

20% of the hires didn’t show up (four out of 20.) Our leader was the section leader, not a crew leader who should be doing the training because they both quit yesterday!

Today I learned how to fill out paperwork to get paid and I swore.

I took the same oath of office that Barry O. and the Congressairres did. Except I also had to swear that I won’t reveal anything about who or what I learn at a Narfoo’s Occupied Housing Unit.

The forms I filled out so I can get some of your tax money for tracking down the NRFUs:

  • D-155
  • D-99
  • D-1129
  • MBM No. 3206-0182
  • CD425 LF
  • D-168
  • I-9
  • D-187
  • D-308

Then after our afternoon break, I was requested to join the Black Hands. I instead gave them the fingers, all eight of them – and my thumbs.

Another first for Sixty: My fingerprints are now on file in the gummit database. Almost. Actually, probably never.

Never, because when you train rank amateurs to do skilled crime-fighting actions, the result is another NRFU:

  • No Readable Finger Undulations

No way is the FBI going to accept these fingerprints.

And in typical gummit fashion, fingerprints were taken twice – by two different amateurs. And then – AND THEN: each set of fingerprints were put in separate Fed Ex overnight package and sent to the same place, because “that will make sure one set will arrive.”

Yeah! Ahem, the gummit used Fed Ex, not the USPS, so non arrival isn’t really an issue.

Tomorrow should be another exciting day. I will not be sitting next to the dude that ruined four D-308s because he kept confusing his birthday with today’s date:

Nincompoop Reject Fellating Umpa-lumpa.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Hand_%28extortion%29

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Comments

My Censor Training Involved NRFUs & Black Hand; I Gave Them the Fingers — 5 Comments

  2. “…ruined four D-308s because he kept confusing his birthday with today’s date…”

    no he did not…

    Seriously?

    Do you know how many people fuck up the whole 8 fingers thing? Most people say that they have ten fingers. You are the only person I know who actually gets it right. So proud of you right now… tear sliding down my cheek… **sniff**

    True story:

    We got a new client… DHL.

    Sent them a contract to sign.

    Sent it to them via Fedex.

    Yeah. We’re smart. Go team.
    .-= Absurdist´s last blog pithFunerals, Graveyards and Dog Shrines =-.

  3. @Larry: good ‘un.

    @Absurdist: true. First he reversed the dates, then he put birthday both places, then got flustered and made an error – which on a D 308 cannot be erased or corrected because it is for payroll and then he made the same mistake again! I only made the finger distinction because I know you check these things.
    Yeah… FedEx the DHL contract. Riiiight.

  4. What a total fucktard.

    Our client totally rejected the fedex package we sent them. How embarrassed do you think our salesteam was when we got that back with a slap in the face?

    The only thing I have done is when I filled out my visa app when I went to mexico and I screw up the date format because I am not paying attention. that and I had NO black or blue pen; I use only a special purple pen that I special order, so I had to use that. When I got there, I had to fill it out all over again. But that does not make me a fucktard. That just makes me special; I use that special pen so that everyone knows when I write something that it’s mine.

    And that I just fucked up on the date format. But big fucking deal. Right?

    Dumbasses.
    .-= Absurdist´s last blog pithFunerals, Graveyards and Dog Shrines =-.

  5. @Absurdist: You weren’t joking about the DHL deal!!!! I thought it was a clever joke.
    Yeah, I’ve messed up date formats before on gummit docs.
    They like the 01-10-2010 format sometimes and 1/2/10 others.

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