Time Person of the Year, Mark Zuckerberg, is the CEO of Facebook.
Facebook has the reputation of invading our privacy and launching worms and trojans and viri (viruses?)

So I thought I would help out my fellow Mark and police his website last evening, despite the fact that Facebook labeled me annoying – police sometimes have to be annoying, right?

I got an email from a person I didn’t recognize that looked fishy (phishy?) It said…

Bobby Damron posted on your Wall.

Bobby wrote:
“I almost peed myself after laughing so hard! http://www.facebook.com/l/3dc4e;www.funkystuffhere.kickme.to

See all those dots and the link ends in .to? Sound the General Alarm, Sound the General Alarm...

.to is the top level domain name for Tonga!

Nothing ever good came out of Tonga, except for those toy trucks, and those were Tonka which caused the war in Vietnam which was the Tonkin Gulf Resolution, which of course is no way you want to play the game, just tonkin’ the golf ball.

Since I was on night watch over the mean streets of Facebook, I forwarded the email to the industry standard email address to report abuse.

abuse@facebook.com

You’re welcome Mark.

But wait, what’s this? The email didn’t bounce like it was a bad address, it bounced because Facebook doesn’t care about abuse.

I got this breezy email back from the abuse watchers at Facebook:

Hi,

Unfortunately, the email address you are using to reach us is no longer available. In order to best assist you, we have provided avenues of support for specific issues that are located in our Help Center. Please follow the link that best suits your problem.

(blah blah blah redacted…)

Yes, the email address [email protected], was valid, it’s just that a live person doesn’t bother to look at anything that pops up there – even reports of abuse. Instead the auto-reply gave me these choices of links to click:

• Warned or Disabled Accounts
• Hacked or “Phished” Accounts
• Reporting Abusive Content and Blocking People
• Technical Issues

Most had the admonishment to “use the proper reporting.” Hey Zucker! When an email hit’s Facebook and it has the word “abuse” in the address, you can’t have one of your engineers write some code to forward it to “Reporting Abusive Content?” so a person will deal with it?

To add insult to insult, I get a follow up email chastising me for not know that @facebook.com has been changed to @fb.com.

Dear Sender:

Facebook has changed its corporate email address domain from @facebook.com to @fb.com.

Your message has been delivered to the intended recipient, but please update your contact details with <address>@fb.com for future correspondence. You will not receive this message again if you utilize <address>@fb.com. We will not be forwarding any email sent to @facebook.com corporate email addresses past January 5th, 2011.

I guess when you are busy invading Facebook privacy, having to type “facebook” rather than “fb” would be kind of a hassle. Those guys driving Tonkas in Tonga certainly appreciate the pixel savings, let along the wear and tear on keyboards by not having to type those six extra characters.

I’m done. I resign my volunteer duties as the Facebook Police. It’s bad enough you consider be annoying, but to summarily discharge and prematurely ejaculate with a poo-poo brush off, is even more than I can stand.

Mark Zuckerberg, Time Person of the Year, I got your award right here.