I’m not a Black couple.

As a matter of fact, I’m not even half of a Black couple.

I’m white.

Is Ebony even relevant anymore?

On the cover of the February issue of Ebony is a picture of:

1. Michelle and Barack Obama
2. Jay-Z and Beyoncé
3. Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker

Not being a black couple I didn’t know who Kodjoe and Parker is/was/are/were.

I still don’t know, but they are pretty to look at.

There were three Ebony covers with the words: Celebrate Black Love!

The Obamas were the couple with a purpose, Jay-Z and Beyoncé were the power couple, and the couple of Kodjoe and Parker are the passion couple.

There’s a difference between White Love and Black Love. Who knew?

Amy DuBois Barnett, Editor-in-chief of Ebony, explains her “aha” moment. She was with her family at Thanksgiving and her mother-in-law said:

Well, Black Love is a special love. Because all we have endured as a people, it’s hard to us to feel good enough about ourselves to feel. But when we do love, we love hard.

ADBB decided that Ebony was going to take on Black Love and explain to those of use who didn’t know there was a difference how…

So much of what Black folks have gone through has damaged our self-esteem and our ability to see a positive future.

Ebony commissioned a study which is representative of African-Americans. Wait. I thought this was about Blacks.

I get so confused.

Onward.

Why Oprah isn’t all over this study is beyond me. (Well, aside from the fact that she’s gay.)

Get this: not only is there Black Love, African-American women really prefer to marry rich causasians who drink.

Whuck? There are causasians. Day-am, I’m so glad I read Ebony. (I also subscribe to Latina, Esquire, and Maxim too, so shut up!)

Causasians (according to the census bureau) describes a group commonly called White Americans. Dammit, I get so confused, I thought those were Caucasians. Nope.

Onward.

Suitable partner requirements that black women want in their man (according to the study):

• 78% – Good Income
• 46% – Causasian
• 42% – Drinks Alcohol

Here are some other qualities black women ranked in double digits:

• 40% – Hispanic
• 30% – Asian
• 17% – Uses Pot
• 15% – Different Religion

Coke users ranked a measly 4% on the desirability scale.

Black Love is different that White Love. Ebony said so.

I am so confused.

66% of black men have cheated on their partner. 43% of Black women have cheated, but add marriage and the equation flip-flops. 25% of Black women have cheated but only 9% of men.

Onward.

Not being a black couple, I didn’t know they have a different love than a white couple. I don’t think I have any black women readers. If so, they are lurkers. But maybe there is an expert or social scientist among you who can weigh in. I’m going to cross-post this over on BlogHer.com, there’s a bunch of women who always have an opinion. Must be some Black women bloggers too.

Oprah? You out there? Dr. Phil? Bueller? Bueller?

And maybe you can explain who Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker are and why Ebony thinks they are hotter than Al Roker and Deborah Roberts.

I am so confused.