Meet Ophiuchus.

Ophiuchus is a new Zodiac sign. Yeah, just like I’m suitably old but mysteriously advanced. Doesn’t change a thing.

Your horoscope is wrong. I quit reading horoscopes when I learned to read. Which is to say, I never read my horoscope. But I know people who are loyal readers. I have read about people who structure their lives around their horoscope – or their sign of the Zodiac.

Wonder what those people are doing today when they just suddenly learn that there are now 13 signs of the Zodiac.

My OMG moment when I realized that Taylor Swift and I are no longer Sagittariuses. Sagittari? AND, I just missed being a Ophiuchusian by six days. And I have shifted over two sign zones.

I was a Centaur The Archer. I am now The Scales.

Do. Re. Mi.

La. Di. Da.

Whuck?

Ophiuchus was a part of the Zodiac all along, but nobody in the west knew about it because it was cut out of the traditional astrology charts by the ancient Babylonians. They wanted a 12-month Zodiac calendar, so out went Ophiuchus and the other dates got moved around to compensate. Ophiuchus has always been a part of Japanese astrology traditions, and Ophiuchus is still a legitimate constellation. Still, the discrepancy has thrown off all the star signs.

Here’s the science behind the bogusness of the Zodiac.

• The Earth wobbles.
• The ancient Babylonians the Zodiac sign on the position of the sun in the constellations when you were born.
• The Earth’s wobble has knocked your star sign out of alignment.

I’m saying that Astrologer Society and Soothsayers Holistic Organizaton Legend Extension (ASSHOLEs) got themselves some marketing advice and found out it would be good for business if all the existing astrology junk and horoscope garbage suddenly was – shocker – worthless.

Here’s your sign:

Oh, this only effects anybody being born from here on.

Never mind.

Been there. Done that.