Well I am about to pass masonry. What a load.

Just like that post title: Whuck? Shouldn’t it be 10 Things I WOULD do for a 50% Discount? Well, maybe.

GiftCardGranny spammed me with this list of discounts available for people of a certain age or older.

Read this and see if you don’t puke with their oversell:

Thankfully, there are also plenty of financial perks that come with getting older – if you know where to look. For the frugal shopper, our “golden years” offer a wealth of discounts on everything from groceries and clothing to travel and, of course, restaurants. At Gift Card Granny we’ve rounded up 136 of the best deals aimed exclusively at the senior set.

As I scrolled through the list, they are all (well, 92% at least) are for Ten Friggin’ Percent Off.

10%.

Shit, sales tax is 6% in Kentucky, 7% in Tennessee places where we do most of our conspicuous consumption.

Here are ten things I would not do for a 10% discount:

• Pick my nose with YOUR finger
• Cross the street against the light
• Yell, “Foosball” in a crowded theater
• Drift using a lawn chair
• File my income tax using grape juice

Birthday freebies are somewhat better – if you can wade through the massive amounts of spammy crap.

• Culver’s – Free sundae as well as a few printable coupons when you first sign up
• Fuddruckers – They have a Fudd Club which will w-mail you a coupon for a free 1/3 pound burger
• IHOP – You’ll get a free meal when you sign up and on your birthday.
• Krispy Kreme – Free half dozen glazed donuts and a coffee mug with either coffee or soda in it! You might want to sign up ahead of time.
• Ruby Tuesday – Free handcrafted burger of your choice.

We Seasoned Citizens deserve more. I demand more. When it’s my birthday, I am dig out my walker and shuffle into Hooters and demand to see their best breasts – FREE.