I live in the only town in the entire universe where Corvettes are assembled.
Smallburg has agreed that a Corvette-free zone shall be established in front of my house when I am mowing the yard.
So Mr. Geezer with your bald spot cruising down the street with your dome exposed, you are now in violation of the Smallburg Sixty Spring Sacrament #60.60(a1.69.)
You butt-hole. How dare you drive by enjoying the nice spring weather when:
- I am mowing the friggin’ grass.
- I don’t own a Corvette.
I hope your bald spot peels from the sun and you get a large basil celery “car”cinoma.
I am pleased pissed to announce that my lawn mower started on the first try. I had run it out of gas during the last mowing. Therefore the gas did not turn to maple syrup. So I mowed the first mow of the season. Gaddamn. I hate mowing the grass/dead leaves/twigs.
Gaddamn. Nothing I hate worse than people out enjoying themselves while I am pacing mindlessly behind the lawnmower.
Therefore, I have expanded the aforementioned city ordinance. Also banned from my street when I am mowing the griggin’ frass:
- Power walkers
- Dog walkers
- Ice Cream wagons
- Lawn mowing service trucks
- Vehicles with kayaks
The consequences are severe. I have dog turds. I will use them.
However, young women between the ages of 25-35 with appropriate BMI, jogging in shorts and bra-tops are always welcome, nay, encouraged.