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Medtronic Makes Power Pooping on Command Possible Raising Your Fecal Quality of Life Index

Baby Boomer Going Like Sixty Posted on by

Screw up your diet and exercise program or take too many prescription drugs, and eventually you will have your entire waste disposal system as clogged the lobby to get away from Charlie Sheen’s live performances.

Medtronics has recognized fecal incontinence can lead to a crappy death, so they invented the On Command Power Pooper.

Except they call it the InterStim.

Here’s the deal, your local doctor or other qualified professional, implants this gizmo next to your sacral nerve. When you need to take a dump, you give it the command using the remote control.

Your poop chute is suitably irritated and out comes last nights bean taco.

Bowels

There were clinal trials and the results were published in the March 2010 issue of the Annals of Surgery.

hee, they said Annals.

Did you know there is a Fecal Incontinence Quality of Life Index?

If you did, you are just odd. Very odd.

…complete continence (no incontinent episodes) was achieved in more than 40 percent of the patients. In addition, patients in the study showed significant improvement in quality of life as measured by the Fecal Incontinence Quality of Life (FIQOL) Index.

Of course there are side effects:

  • pain in the ass
  • tingling
  • pricking
  • numbness
  • infection

I wanna be a fly on the wall when the insurance dope gets a claim for a Power Pooper. Insert all poo jokes in the comments.

 

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Comments

Medtronic Makes Power Pooping on Command Possible Raising Your Fecal Quality of Life Index — 2 Comments

  1. seriously??? I guess its supposed to help being backed up and make you regular?? That’s a hysterical blog-only you could blog about poopin’ and make it funny!!!!!!

  2. More information on incontinence, symptoms, therapies and treatments can be found at http://www.nafc.org. The National Association for Continence is the world’s largest and most prolific consumer advocacy organization dedicated to public education and awareness about bladder and bowel control problems, voiding dysfunction including retention, nocturia and bedwetting, and pelvic floor disorders such as prolapse.

    Check out our blogs! http://nafcpowderroomtalk.blogspot.com/ or http://bladderbreak.wordpress.com/

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