Sixty Is a Great Age for the Gold Scam
Guest post while I’m packing and shipping and flying to Costa Rica. I shall return. Maybe. Pura Vida.
We sold some gold we had lounging in the back of drawers. But I donated the nice gold watch I got from my Mother to St. Vincent DePaul. By accident. I had some other value-less watches (according to the appraiser) mingled up on the car seat and I ended up dumping them all in a bin that I donated. The watch guy said he would have given me $75 for it. Ah well, pura vida.
Yup, they think when you turn sixty you become senile and the screws start to loosen. The
problem is that sometimes it’s true. Take gold, for instance. I decided that now is a great time to sell platinum, gold, and any precious metals I may have and not know about. What could be so hard about selling gold? The ads are
flooding the internet; they’re practically knocking down my door, begging to buy my gold. I was about to
I dug up the ugly old heirlooms that had been crowding the back of my closet, and were
probably my undiscovered fortune. I then googled ‘sell gold’, with thousands of results. “They’re all the
same,” I thought, and promptly closed my eyes and let my mouse decide. I’m buying a new mouse. It’s
all its fault. It chose the wrong site. The site it chose had flashy colors and banners. I started looking for
the fine print, but when the headache began behind my eyes, I just clicked the big buttons that
said “Yes!” and “Sell now!” Note to self: big flashy buttons with exclamation points are not a good sign.
I promptly received a big envelope that requested some basic information, and that I deposit my
gold HERE. I did so, and chucked it into the mailbox. And therein ended the company’s “fast and efficient
service!” I waited days, then a week, and then two weeks. Nothing. Now I know my patience level is not
what it used to be, but I didn’t think I was unreasonable in calling to find out when I would receive my
new fortune. After a lot of back and forth, and no answers, with my money nowhere in sight, I started
getting nasty. Boy, you don’t want to be around me when I get nasty. Those girls probably needed to
wash their ears out with soap and water by the time I was done.
Moral of the story: keep your gold, or don’t trust your mouse. They say that getting cash for gold really can be easy, when you’re dealing with the right site. Why am I always on the wrong site? It must be only old geezers like me who get the wool pulled over their eyes. Oh, my gold? Fat chance. It’s right now padding some Mafioso’s pockets. I
guess undiscovered fortunes just aren’t my thing.
Mark Rich has since learned his lesson, and is something of a gold expert. He recommends Captain Cash for Gold for reliability and fast service.
Jeebus, the local montessori teacher is offering cash for gold now at this stage. Thieves are rampant.
I’ve smelted all mine down and stuck it up my bum. You can never be too careful!