Groupon CEO Andrew Mason was swilling beer from a bottle while at a meeting chastising his top employees about how childish they were.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the 31-year-old CEO said the company doesn’t “have any margin for error,”

Near the verge of tears because he had chugged to much PBR, Mason plowed ahead to motivate his staff to find better deals with better financial controls and better profit margins.

The SEC is probing Groupon because of book-cooking and other frat-boy shenanigans.

Meanwhile, out in the field, the Groupon Chicks were having a ball (maybe literally) lining up tours of Kink.com, a torture porn filmmaker.

“Groupon even advertises that groups may get to see a live filming in progress,”

according to an anti-porn group.

Groupon told the War on Illegal Porngraphy

“we strive to offer interesting and exciting deals that will appeal to our diverse customer base.”

Because of the backlash to the torture porn tour, Groupon is considering the merits of the following offers for their diverse customer base:

• Tour Mother Mary Magdalene’s OB-GYN clinic.  Spend a day with the retired Sisters. You may get to see an actual pap smear done on a seventy five year old virgin!
• Nose hair trimmer for a day at Cadaver King of Cleveland. Because hair continues to grow after death you can enjoy a variety of noses and hair and trimming. Get creative!
• Backstage with The Fluffer.
• Pre-op Pus Inspector at Burning Man. You will hang with some of the most diverse groupies ever to have assembled. It will be colorful!
• Post-op Scab Scanner at Flame Throwers R Us. You will help management determine if the scabs were actually on the job incidents. Snacks of chips and salsa will be served all day!
• Crime Scene Cleaner for the Detroit Police Department, Detroit River Division. Bodies are plucked from the Detroit River almost daily. You can watch as the bloated bodies inflate right before your eyes. Swell time!
• Colonoscopy Intern. Batches of baby boomers bring their backsides to the Boston Bean Center where you lube up and probe as many bums as you can!

This “historic” tours follow the Groupon Kink.com new marketing plan outlined here:

In the immortal words of Vanessa Pinto…
The Armory is a historical building that people are fascinated with. Human beings are curious about all sorts of things they find odd or interesting. Tours are offered of Hearst Castle, Winchester Mystery House, and Alcatraz, and no one bats an eyelash. The Armory is a very old building with a rich history that people are fascinated with. Add to that, it was bought by kink.com, the home of BDSM porn, and of course people are going to want to take a tour.

And Groupon.com will be there to make it profitable for shareholders.

Bring Beer!