Sure Fire Ways To Tell If You Are An Old Baby Boomer

People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you’re breathing.
You finally find something you’ve been looking for, for ages but can’t remember why you wanted it.
You get to work before you discover you forgot to get dressed.
You reach the toilet you forgot what you wanted to do.
Tightening your belt becomes uncomfortable under your armpits.
You can’t finish a conversation, because you don’t remember what you were talking about.
Your spare tire is larger than your car’s.
You are abducted by aliens, but immediately returned in favor of a living specimen.
Your top three favorite pastimes involve sleep.
You are declined as an organ donor – you’re told they’re not sure if your organs are functional.
Most of your sentences begin with, “When I was your age…”
Going to the bathroom at night used to require shoes, a candle and a corn cob.
The Smithsonian request your participation in an exhibit “The Evolution Of Man.”
The fire department is requested to attend your birthday party in case the candles on your cake get out of hand.
George Burns calls to congratulate you on your birthday, saying, “It’s just you and me, kid.” Update: “Now it’s just you, kid!”
The dictionary adds your picture under the definition of “octogenarian.”
You had to get rid of your dog he kept trying to drag you to the yard to bury you.
Medicare states that you’re too old for their coverage.
You can’t be tried by a jury of your peers because there are none.
Universities inquire about your donating your body to science they are desperate for specimens of ancient civilizations.
You try to donate to a sperm bank but they insist they require live specimens.
Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don’t want you behind the wheel.
Your dentist is fascinated by your wooden dentures.
Your bifocals need bifocals.
You often repeat things…
You’re not allowed on most of the rides at DisneyWorld because they may be too intense.
A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.
You convince an attractive young lady to sleep with you but fail to convince your body parts to arise to the occasion.
Young girls feel safe in your presence knowing you couldn’t possibly do anything.
Watching paint dry has a certain fascination.
You often repeat things…
Children often innocently ask you, “What did people do before electricity?” And you can’t remember.
You can remember seeing double features for a nickel, sometimes with sound.
Charlton Heston comes to you for advice about his character, Moses, since you were there.
You are often asked to give a personal account of the story of creation.
You often repeat things…
You discover the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down.