6 Bad-ass Pennys Belong in the Penny Hall of Fame
While the Canadanadians kiss their penny goodbye as currency of the realm and start hoarding the coin to strike it rich when the world decides their penny is highly collectible, the rest of us are cheering on some bad-ass Pennys.
Right out of the Penny wrapper comes Penny, of “The Big Bank (Bang) Theory” a true bad-ass in total. First of all she is Cheesecake Factory waitress which means she is bad-ass enough to work at the world’s worst restaurant and still live alone in a nice apartment and wear cool clothes when she isn’t serving cholesterol to customers. She is also an aspiring actress which means she is bad-ass enough to go on casting couch calls. But her bad-assery rises to high levels when she hangs out with the geeks across the hall. Not only does she hold her own, she usually is the smartest person in the room.
Penny Marshall maybe the baddest of the bad-ass Pennys. Just look at that old face. Hell, her young face was just as bad-ass.
If you don’t know who Penny Marshall is, you shouldn’t be reading blogs. You need to crawl back into your cloth-sack and say fifty five Hail Pennys. Penny Marshall used to own television sit-coms until she sold out to Chuck Lorre and his band of merry double entrendes.
Didja forget about sweet Penny Robinson of Lost in Space? She was the bad-ass assistant to the best Prime Time Villian of All Time: Dr. Zachary Smith. Yeah, you can’t hang around nefarious characters like Dr. Smith and still maintain your innocence with out some native bad-ass in your blood. And how about that stupid Chimp-like pet that made that stupid computer-error noise? That was pretty bad-ass, the thing probably had filthy ebola.
Penny Lynn Scavo was so bad-ass she hung in the womb long enough for her teevee mom to get a job. Lynette, deep in the effort to expulse this intruder into her career path, waited until she got the job before letting Penny Lynn escape the womb. Tom wanted Lynette to high five Penny’s arm hanging out of her vagina. They named the kid Penny after Tom’s slutty aunt. Penny got some of her bad-assness from learning to be alone at the age of one day. Lynette got a call from work, went, and left the kid in the car. Bad-ass.
Penny Lane is the lead singer for the Band Aids from the movie Almost Famous. She earned her bad-ass title by starting as a driver for another band’s lead. But like a true bad-ass she had another motive: she wanted Russell to get in her pants. As they tour, she finds out that the guy she wanted is bumping nasties with some other chicks. Like any good rocker she ODs on loods. She ends up moving to Morocco and marries a sheik and gets a sweet job as the leader of OPEC.
Penny is the star of the Disney All Time Class “Bolt”, which you probably never saw, but you should because Penny is a bad-ass and so is Bolt the dog. To add to Penny’s bad-ass ranking is the fact that she has the voice of bad-ass Miley Cyrus. Too cool for school. Doctor Calico tries to thwart their activities to improve life via the search for truth, justice and the american way (wait, I may be confusing her with Lois Lane. Obviously I didn’t see the movie either.) Penny was part of one more piece of bad-ass, she was instrumental in launching the never-ending catch phrase:
Other Pennys who didn’t make the cut for the Penny Bad Ass Hall of Fame:
- Penny King, neice of Sky King. Biyotch couldn’t even fly the Song Bird.
- Penny, a claymation character on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse – the only cents she had were her eyes.
- Penny Lane, on Toddlers and Tiaras: Three words: Honey Boo-Boo is Bad-ass. Or that may be five words.
Have a Bad Ass Penny that should be on the list? Leave your nominations in the comments. I will revisit this and consider your nomination.
What? No mention of Penny Arcade? Her most famous gig was starring in her own show — Bitch! Dyke! Faghag! Whore! But what a great stage name! Check it out — http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penny_Arcade_%28performer%29
Ha! Did you know Penny Arcade personally? Have prior knowledge of her act? hmmmmmmmmmmm?
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